The shared journal
As a mom raising three daughters, I was constantly trying to find ways to keep opening doors for conversation with my girls. So often in everyday life, the timing isn’t right or the issue is touchy or someones having a meltdown - and we can miss opportunities to connect and really hear what is going on inside our child’s mind and heart.
I’ve always been a journal keeper, and so I decided to keep a journal between each daughter and myself. Sort of like note-writing back and forth - but in a little book. A little book I left under their pillow to find.
With today’s technology, the idea of note-writing is a lost art, but honestly there is a lot of appeal in a personal and intimate journal. If you have a child that enjoys drawing more than writing, use a sketch book instead and draw pictures to replace words. Do what works for you and your child.
Pillow Talk: Kids edition
To start, purchase a journal/sketch book and write to your child on the first page explaining that this will be your special place to write to each other. Explain that anything is okay to write about: feelings, questions, fears, et cetera. Let them know you will both write in the book and then leave it secretly back and forth for each other.
Then, tuck the journal under your child’s pillow for them to find. Younger children may come running with it wanting clarification - great! Laugh with them and whisper that it is a secret between the two of you. Older children may not say a word, but hopefully the idea is initiated, and you find the journal under your pillow soon with a few words or a picture.
Key: If your child leaves the book for you - respond
Ideally, respond the same day and leave the book under their pillow for them to find.
Hopefully this starts the process of writing back and forth to one another about all sorts of feelings, concerns, questions and sometimes just silly fun.
Let me be honest, sometimes I would find the journal under my pillow three times in a day, or sometimes months would go by and I wouldn’t see it at all. Often, I initiated a conversation in the journal or asked a question and slipped it under my child’s pillow. Sometimes she responded. Sometimes she didn’t.
Do your best to keep the focus on your child’s feelings and not your own. Whether they respond each time or not, keep moving forward knowing that you are investing in your child. When an opportunity presents itself, initiate the back and forth conversation.
The point here is to have another form of communication with your child that feels safe and non-threatening. Try not to have a big agenda about it. This may work for you and your child, or it may not.
My encouragement to parents: keep trying different ways to open the doors to conversation. You lead the way. Show your child how to listen, talk and connect with you and with others.
(Hear me talk more about parenting in this Mother/daughter conversation on the podcast)
