Teaching Kids About Consent
Teaching your kids about consent: Why I don’t want you to tell your kids that ‘One thing leads to another.’
Why I don’t want you to tell your kids that ‘One thing leads to another.’
Informed consent means yes to the one thing discussed and decided upon.
It is not an implicit agreement to do anything else or to take things further; for example, agreeing to or initiating making out with someone does not mean yes to anything else until consent is revisited.
Young people are often told that “one thing leads to another” when it comes to sex. Then they get into situations where that misguided mantra causes them to believe that if they gave consent for one thing, like oral sex, that means if things progress from there to penetration, well…
“one thing led to another.”
One thing does not lead to another without revisited consent!
Consent also includes the right to revoke your yes at any time. If you consented, but then decide in the middle of an encounter that something is painful, emotionally triggering, or it makes you uncomfortable — even if you initially agreed to participate in it — you have the right to change your yes to a no! This is an important point about consent: You have the right to change your mind. You have the right to say, “Stop now!”
Consent means: Yes, to one thing discussed and decided upon.
Consent does not mean: An implicit agreement to do anything else or to take things further.
Consent includes: The right to revoke your yes at any time.
When Kids Ask Questions
6 top reasons kids ask questions. Understanding the why behind your child’s questions about their bodies and sex.
When your child asks you questions about sexual health, you certainly want to give them an answer. Consider going a step further with them to determine the why behind the question, so that you are providing the right information at the right time. It can be helpful for you to understand the reasons behind why they are asking.
One way to do this is by asking a follow up question such as, “What made you ask that question?” or “Good question! What have you heard about this?”
Here are the 6 TOP reasons kids ask questions
Information - This can be a simple straightforward inquiry. They are curious or possibly wanting context for something they have seen or heard. They’re looking for education and information.
Am I normal - They want to understand if they are normal, and what is normal. They are seeking to learn how they fit into normal when they feel like they don’t.
Shock Value - They are looking for your reaction to a question, their knowledge about something, or their desire to know something. Your reaction and response is giving them information about what they can ask you about. They may be thinking, “Am I allowed to talk about this topic with my parent?” or “Can my parent handle these kind of questions?”
Permission seeking - They are seeking to get your permission for something. They may also be trying to determine if they need/want your permission.
Values based - They want to understand the values you hold surrounding a topic or question. The older they get they may also be determining if they align with your values.
Personal - They have something going on with their body, sexuality, or other personal question. The inquiry is directly about themselves.
With all the above, try to be intentional about affirming the ask and helping them understand that you are a safe person to continue coming to with all their questions.
Learn more about this topic:
Be your child’s sexual health educator
4 questions for parents as they talk about sexual health
10 tips for parents
Childhood sexual abuse prevention: 2 tools
6 tips for using sexual health themed books with your child