Sexify Your Bedroom
Ten tips to sexify your bedroom. Try one of these ideas to set up your environment for better sex and intimacy.
How to build a sex-y bedroom: ten tips to sexify your space
We can’t all have an entire room just for sexy fun! But we can take some steps to make the space we do have feel sexier and more sensual. Research shows that those with the most enjoyable sex life, set up their environment for sex with intention. Choose from - moody lighting, mirrors, props, privacy and more.
level up your bedroom for better sex
First things first - get a lock on the door. It can decrease anxiety around being interrupted, walked-in on or surprised at the exactly the wrong time! Privacy and having a safe space for intimacy is your first priority.
If it isn’t for sleeping or sex - can you get it out of your bedroom? Clutter, dirty laundry, paperwork, electronics, unfinished projects - look around your space and see what you can eliminate that doesn’t help you sleep or have great sex. Get rid of distractions!
Keep the TV out of your sexy space. I know, I know! Some of you will strongly disagree about this, but studies have shown that couples have more sex when there isn’t a TV in their bedroom.
If it’s available to you, invest in high-quality sheets. The kind that make you want to slip into them. If that isn’t an option, wash your sheets often and use a lavender dryer bag or spritz them with an intoxicating scent you enjoy before jumping in.
Moody lighting. Whether you use candlelight, a dimmer switch, the soft glow from a small lamp or changing lightbulb that allows you adjust percentage/colors - light your room to match your mood. Create the atmosphere that turns you on!
Have a photo of you and your partner visible. This tip is especially for parents. Your children are amazing, but the family album on your bedside may not spark the desire you are looking for. It can be hard enough to switch from parent to lover, and a picture you really like of the two of you might be just the thing to remind you who you're in bed with.
Use a speaker for music or sound machine for privacy. Go ahead and create a sexy playlist while you’re at it or choose the ocean waves sound to get you in the mood.
Stop scrolling. Our phones are so distracting. Keep your head in the game and pay attention to each other rather than social media, email and texts. Let the last thing you touch at night and the first thing you touch in the morning - be your partner rather than your phone!
Mirror mirror on the wall. If you really enjoy the visual of watching your partner or watching the two of you together having sex, see if there is space for a mirror somewhere in your bedroom. Many people find this a turn on and a sensual way to connect with each other.
Bedroom props. Keep a pillow or two around to change up positions. If you like chair sex - keep one in your bedroom. Do you have a drawer or place to keep your toys and lube? Make sure the items you enjoy for sex are easily available.
Bonus Tip: Read these tips with your partner or listen to me talk about them on the podcast, and pick one or two ideas together to sexify your space!
10 Ideas To Help You Explore Being a Sexual Person (No Masturbation Required)
Can I be sexual without masturbating? Absolutely! Here are 10 ideas to help you explore being a sexual person, and none of them involve self-touching.
In a recent Q & A someone asked me,
“How can you value yourself sexually besides through masturbation?”
This is a beautiful example of someone being sexually curious. They feel a desire to value or appreciate themselves as a sexual being.
Self-touching or masturbation is one healthy way to be sexual, but is certainly not the only way. You can be sexual outside of masturbating. Being an evolving sexual person is more than the act of having sex!
10 ideas to help you explore being a sexual person, and none of them involve Masturbation
Think of yourself as a sexual being. If this is new for you, begin to see and acknowledge yourself as sexual. Even say it out loud to yourself to get comfortable with this natural and normal part of you. Read my letter to young women or explore this more in my book Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
Explore your sexual ethic. Ask yourself questions like the following: What is your attitude about sex? What are your values around sex? What matters to you? What does sex mean to you? Try not to compare to others or media. Investigate and re-evaluate attitudes that may no longer be serving you. Considering journaling if it helps, or talk with a trusted friend.
Get curious about what feels sexual to you and where you feel that in your body. Arousal can come from things other than touch such as your imagination or something that you see. What sparks signs of arousal and do you recognize them in your brain and body? These are normal questions to ask yourself as an ongoing conversation through the seasons of your life.
Use your senses to engage with pleasure - embrace your sensuality. What sounds, sights, smells, tastes, non-sexual touches feel pleasurable in your body? How might you intentionally engage your senses to experience more pleasure. Here is a blog with specific ideas.
Express yourself and your sexual energy through movement or dance. Use music or quiet, wear clothes or don’t, move with other’s or alone. Allow yourself the freedom to move and be fully present in your body. Not as a performance, just for you alone. Then, pause and ask yourself what that energy feels like and where it is moving within your body.
Pursue non-sexual touch that feels comfortable to you. For example: stroke your arm, hug yourself, massage your scalp, circle your palm with your fingers, dry brush your skin. Close your eyes and notice the sensations you feel. Can you describe them?
Make yourself a sensual playlist. Find songs that make you feel things in your body, spark curiosity or prompt desires. As you listen, pay attention to what it is you think or feel. Add and delete songs over time and as you change. Take it a step further by adding movement.
Eye gaze with yourself in the mirror. Communicate care and tenderness to yourself through your gaze. Speak affirmations over yourself without vocal words – just using your eyes. Offer affirmations about your body, your mind, your sensuality —all of you!
Begin a mindfulness practice. Take a few minutes every day to get quiet, breathe, and pay attention to the present moment without judgement. Practice keeping your mind in the present with your body. Learn more in Dr. Brotto’s book, or listen to our conversation together in this two-part episode on the podcast.
Be in community with others who talk about sexual topics in a healthy way. Find a friend that is open to conversations or come over to my podcast community — a safe place to listen and learn along with others all around the world. Have your book club read my book and discuss it. I’ll even join you on zoom for a little Q & A!
