Why Vibrators Work For Women and How To Choose One

There can be a lot of stigma around vibrators and sex toys, but the reality is they don’t have to be scary or overwhelming. And they certainly aren’t bad or taboo. Think of using a vibrator as a sexy experiment, a helpful tool, or an enhancement for pleasure - for yourself, for your partner or for sharing as a couple.

Why vibrators work for women:

The majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. A vibrator is one way to get that kind of intense stimulation. Lots of women use vibrators for solo play and exploration. Many women say they like using a vibrator with a partner, because it speeds up their arousal. Heterosexual couples might use a vibrator to combine intercourse with direct clitoral stimulation. Seniors often comment that a vibrator is the best way to get the stimulation they need to orgasm. These are just examples, there is no one right way to use a vibrator. The fun is in experimenting, and figuring out how one works best for you, or for you and your partner.

Four questions to consider before you choose one

How do you want to use it?

Do you want it specifically for clitoral stimulation, for vaginal penetration, or for both at the same time? Is this for solo play, partnered sex or for both?

How much power and how many options do you want it to have? 

How much power and how many vibrational options do you want it to have? Consider the number of speed levels and variations in pressure. Do you want a suction or air puffs option? How many types of vibration patterns do want to be able to access. Basically, do you want to keep it simple or are you looking for a lot of bells and whistles?

Do you care about aesthetics?

i.e. how it looks, what it is made out of, and the texture or feel of the material. For example, do you want it to be phallic shaped (like a penis) or smaller in size - perhaps to fit right into your hand or even on your fingers.

How about noise level?

Do you need it to be whisper quiet or “turbo charged” is fine?

If you are a first time toy buyer:

It’s probably best to choose something simple that doesn’t feel overwhelming to look at. I recommend that you first use the vibrator on your inner thigh or arm and play with the speeds and vibrations. Do not immediately put it on your vulva and specifically your clitoris or clitoral hood until you have a good idea how it operates and feels. Every woman and each body is different. If one toy doesn’t seem right for you, that doesn’t mean no toy is right for you. It may take trying out a few - this is normal. Remember, as you go through seasons of life in your body, there will be shifts and changes. Stay curious about that, and adjust accordingly. 

If you are buying a toy to use with a partner:

I highly recommend picking it out together. This allows for discussion about how you’ll use it and what appeals to both of you - always a good idea!

Oftentimes, one partner may be ready to introduce a toy and the other is hesitant or frankly has never even thought about it. Communication is essential. Remember a toy doesn’t talk, caress, kiss or cuddle. For couples, it’s an addition, not a replacement. Consent from both partners before adding something new into your intimacy is a must. Sometimes partners may feel they should be “enough” and if a vibrator is needed or desired then “something is wrong with you,” or “something is wrong with me.” This might stem from many things, perhaps a lack of sex education - especially about female bodies, false cultural narratives, toys being seen as taboo or negative past experiences. If talking about sex with your partner is difficult, as a segue you might read this blog together and start a conversation about why it might be helpful or fun or sexy to add a toy to the bedroom.

Pointing you in a direction to get started.

Picking vibrator for the first time can feel a bit daunting. New things, especially related to sex, often make people feel uncomfortable. You are not alone if you feel afraid to go into a store and buy a vibrator, or feel a bit nervous about starting with one. But guess what? You can buy one online and test it out without ever having to interact with a human being. Many companies often send them in discreet packaging, too, so you don’t feel uncomfortable pulling it out of your mailbox. Female-owned companies that I recommend are below. They sell unique vibrators, toys and have a reputation for offering high quality products.

MAUDE (use discount code CINDY10)
INTIMATE WELLBEING (use discount code CINDY15)
DAME

More on this topic
The clitoris it’s a network!
Vibrators, Edging & Anal Sex
Couples, Communication & Sex
Anatomy 101

*AFFILIATE LINKS AND RECOMMENDATIONS: I may earn a small commission when readers purchase products through my affiliate links. This doesn't affect which products are included. I choose products carefully, and anything I recommend on my website is recommended for its quality, performance, and overall reputation, regardless of any affiliate relationship.

All About Lube

Picture going down a water slide without enough water … It is not comfortable, or fun! Adequate water is needed for the slide to be slippery and cut down on the friction between it - and you! Lubrication is a lot like that.

Whatever you have heard and believed about sex, women and lubrication – throw it out the window and let’s start fresh with the basics. Sex can involve your body parts rubbing or moving against another surface or partner’s body parts. This results in friction. When there is too much friction it can cause discomfort, micro-tears of the skin, or pain. Adequate lubrication reduces the friction.

Reducing friction can also increase pleasure.

This means that adding a personal lubricant into your sex life is not just for when your body needs more moisture to avoid discomfort, but it can also make the sex you’re having slicker, longer lasting and more enjoyable. It can be an enhancement for your sexual activity.

Before you read further, let’s be clear - the cultural myth that a woman getting “wet” is the indicator that she is turned on and aroused is simply not evidenced-based. The best indicator to determine if a woman is aroused is - listening to her words - letting you know she is. Also, a lack of lubrication does not indicate a lack of arousal or desire for sex. These two facts are important for you and a partner to understand.

Lubrication is part of the sexual response cycle.

With arousal, there is increased blood flow to the genitals which begins the lubrication process. Women are all different, but typically need 11-20+ minutes of warming up activities (foreplay) to reach full arousal. A woman’s lubrication can vary day to day and from partner to partner. Women naturally lubricate in varying amounts.

Experiencing times of vaginal dryness is not an “old lady” issue.

There are many reasons why any woman of any age might not produce sufficient vaginal lubrication to allow for pleasurable sex. It may occur on and off in a woman’s life or it may be the nature of the way your individual body works all of the time. Certainly, a woman’s hormonal shifts in life can be a significant factor.

It is normal to experience times of increased dryness after birthing a baby or while breastfeeding. It is well known and documented that menopausal changes and aging can result in vaginal dryness and lack of lubrication. Other factors can affect lubrication as well. Stress, alcohol, medication side effects, dehydration, and skin irritation are a few known culprits.

Touching your genitals when they are dry, is not usually pleasurable!

So, whether for solo play and exploration or for partnered sex, lube is a good thing to have on hand. For the times you and your partner may be having a quickie - lube is most certainly recommended due to the decrease in time for arousal.

Despite what you may have seen on TV or in movies - saliva is not good lube. It isn’t slippery and has no staying power because it evaporates quickly. It can also transmit STI’s and unwanted bacteria from one partner to another.

Using lube with protective barriers like condoms is highly encouraged. It decreases friction that can cause discomfort as well as reduces condom breakage. Pick a lube based on its compatibility with the type of condoms you regularly use. Additionally, a good lubricant is essential for anal play or anal sex. The anus does not self-lubricate at all and penetration of any kind without lube can result in tissue trauma and pain.

BASIC categories of lube:

It is best to think through each type and possibly try a few to determine what will work best for you and your partner. I highly recommend you test out the lube on skin other than your vulva or vagina first to determine any sensitivity. The underside of your arm works well, dab some on there and wait a day to see if you tolerate the lube without irritation. Always check labels, the fewer ingredients - the better.

Silicone based lube: 

Generally well-tolerated, non-irritating, and unlikely to cause allergic reactions. Safe to use with condoms. Not usually compatible to use with silicone toys. A little goes a long way, slippery not runny, and stays where you put it. Long lasting, and doesn’t evaporate. Suggestion: Uberlube.

Water-based lube:

Thinner consistency and dries up quickly which may require reapplication. Often a good choice for those with sensitive skin. Check ingredients and steer clear of parabens, fragrances and glycerin. Easy cleanup. Safe with latex condoms and silicone toys. Suggestions: Coconu, Good Clean Love Almost Naked, Okanagan Joy.

Oil based lube:

Thicker consistency and can play multiple roles as a friction reducer as well as great for skin-on-skin contact and sensual massage. Be careful with ingredients - may cause irritation/infection in some women. Not safe with latex condoms. Suggestion: Coconu

Food Oils:

None are recommended for vaginal lubrication. Though many people tell me they use coconut oil with good results and no ill effects. Food oils can speed up growth of bacteria and yeast in the vagina. They don’t flush out of your system easily. Oil causes condom breakage - do not use with condoms. Suggestion: Coconut oil

Petroleum-based lubricants (Vaseline, mineral oil)

These products should not be used internally and are not recommended. They can irritate and promote bacterial growth that can lead to infections. Never use with condoms or other latex barriers because they cause breakage.

More Options:

Hybrid lubes: a mix of water based with some silicone that provides a longer-lasting benefit with easier clean up. Suggestion: Good Clean Love
Lubes infused with CBD or hemp. Suggestions: Coconu, Foria, GoLove
Edible or flavored lubes

To try UberLube use code CINDY for 15% off
To try Coconu use my affiliate link and code Pleasure for 15% off
To try Okanagan Joy use my discount code CINDY15

*AFFILIATE LINKS AND RECOMMENDATIONS: I may earn a small commission when readers purchase products through my affiliate links. This doesn't affect which products are included. I choose products carefully, and anything I recommend on my website is recommended for its quality, performance, and overall reputation, regardless of any affiliate relationship.