Book Review: Yes, Your Kid by Debby Herbenick, PhD
There are some stark differences in the sexual lives of modern teenagers and young adults. Parents need to know about this sexual landscape in order to help their kids navigate it.
When I asked Debby Herbenick why she wrote this book. She said, “Parents need an update!”
As a parent, sex educator and researcher, Herbenick says that, “Most of the sex education books for parents were written in the before times.” Not only were they written before current social media, but also before the internet as it is today with widely accessible pornography. There are some stark differences in the sexual lives of modern teenagers and young adults, and parents need to know about this sexual landscape in order to help their kids navigate it.
This book provides parents education around topics such as: taking and sharing sexual images, sexting, birth control, anal sex, pornography, STI’s and even includes a packing list for your college student. I appreciated the author’s detailed research and statistics, as well as her practical tips on talking to different aged children appropriately. Also included are some role play scenarios for parents to demonstrate how they can respond to questions and keep the doors open for further conversations with their kids.
The rise and mainstreaming of rough sex is one of the most profound changes that Herbenick wants parents to know about. I was so compelled by what she wrote in the book that I invited her to be a guest on the podcast. As she says in the book, “Today’s version of rough sex is different than you may think—more aggressive and riskier, and often with little or no communication between partners.” Listen in to hear us talk more about this topic (especially choking) in episode 91 that drops July 10th.
If you are a parent of a tween, teen or young adult, I highly recommend this book as an excellent resource.
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston CNM, RN, BSN, LMT
If you have a desire to explore taking your pleasure to the next level, this book is for you.
If you have a desire to explore taking your pleasure to the next level, this book is for you. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal won the American Academy of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) Book of the Year in 2010. It’s been around a while and remains a steadfast favorite of many.
Winston’s writing is easy to understand, and she comes across like a more experienced, sensual, big sister. Packed with education on women’s anatomy and physiology, this practical guide includes sections for '‘Play and Practice,” allowing you to get practical with the material.
If you are open to erotic exploration outside the so-called box, you will find this book both enriching and entertaining. Through drawings, art, quotes, and poetry, Winston educates on energy, breathing, a little magic, and a lot of “higher-level, whole-system perspective.”
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and Winston’s “in-depth, illustrated tour of the land of female genitalia, feminine sexuality and the intimate erotic arts.”
***** Highly recommend
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: The Menopause Manifesto by Dr. Jen Gunter
Looking for a one stop resource for all things menopause? Dr. Jen Gunter covers it all to help you prepare for midlife, menopause and beyond.
Looking for a one stop resource for all things menopause? This comprehensive book might be what you’re looking for. Dr. Jen Gunter covers just about any topic you might want to read about with clear language, medical science, and a dose of feminism.
There has been so much silence and misinformation around women’s bodies. And what isn’t shrouded in silence is skewed toward the negative cultural narrative and body shaming. Women tell me all the time that they lack the education needed to navigate the changing seasons their body goes through. As a result, they experience so much anxiety and uncertainly that it can be difficult to see their way clearly or understand the options available to them.
This book will help prepare you with the information you need before you get to the menopause transition or while you are in it. Gunter, a seasoned obstetrician and gynecologist, separates fact from fiction in a conversational voice that is easy to read. Along the way, she also shares parts of her own journey through the menopause. And don’t let the length scare you away. There is a helpful index to easily look up the topics you are interested in, and you can skip subjects that don’t pertain to your own situation.
As the author says,
“THE ONLY THING PREDICTABLE ABOUT MENOPAUSE IS ITS UNPREDICTABILITY.”
Education goes a long way toward navigating the unpredictable and helping you make good health decisions that are right for you.
*Here’s an episode about Midlife, Menopause & Beyond on the Permission for Pleasure Podcast.
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: Better Sex Through Mindfulness: How Women Can Cultivate Desire, by Lori Brotto, PhD.
Do you want to know how sexual desire works and how it can be cultivated? Dr. Lori Brotto shares the research-based truths about desire that might literally transform your sex life!
“Attention training through mindfulness may be part of the recipe for cooking up sexual desire.”
Do you want to know how sexual desire works and how it can be cultivated? Dr. Lori Brotto, a professor, researcher, and psychologist shares the research-based truth about female desire in this book.
If you thought it was all about the hormones, think again! Brotto says, “Mood, sense of well-being, body image, self-esteem, and how a woman feels about her partner turned out to be far stronger predictors of her level of sexual desire than a single hormone.” She goes on to give many examples to help the reader understand how these elements in a woman’s life have an impact on desire.
What I appreciate about Lori Brotto is her ability to share all the best that science and research have to offer, in language every one of us can understand and apply for ourselves. Furthermore, in this book she offers practical tools and exercises that have been proven to help you transform your sex life.
Brotto’s studies have shown that paying attention during sex is a key factor in sexual arousal while inattention is a major inhibitor of a healthy sexual response. Our minds are busy, stressed and constantly multi-tasking. While it may seem obvious, we often forget that this does not bode well for our sex lives.
How do we pay more attention, and be more present during sex?
According to the research, Brotto says one way proven to help is “attention training through mindfulness.” What is mindfulness exactly? It is about “fully inhabiting the present moment, without trying to change anything. It involves a complete acceptance of who you are and what your experience is--without judgment,” says the author.
If the idea of mindfulness feels weird or difficult to you, this book offers a hopeful guide that will walk you through giving yourself permission to pay more attention with gentleness, and without judging yourself. Brotto offers easy to follow practices for all those interested in moving along the path to a healthy cultivation of their desire.
To hear Lori Brotto speak about desire, listen to the Permission for Pleasure Podcast episode 27.
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: Reclaiming Pleasure, A sex positive guide for moving past sexual trauma & living a passionate life by Holly Richmond, PhD
This book by Dr. Holly Richmond, PhD, is a compassionate sex positive guide for your healing journey into pleasure after sexual trauma.
“Your sexual trauma doesn’t inform your sexuality; it misinforms it.”
This book is a compassionate guide from somatic psychotherapist, certified sex therapist, and licensed marriage family therapist, Dr. Holly Richmond.
In its pages, she offers research-based ideas to assist the reader in unraveling the misinformation that trauma can bring and to move toward healing. As she says,
“Since sexual trauma happens in the body, it must be healed through the body.”
Practices for healing are offered here for both your body and your mind. Within each chapter are client stories and reflection questions to help you process along the way.
Dr. Richmond specifically addresses what she calls the survivor trifecta of pain, shame, and suffering. She then outlines a three step process of thriving derived from her research and many years of working with clients. With care and understanding, she walks readers through these themes that include control, pleasure, and connection.
You can hear Holly talk more specifically about all of these things in our conversation on the podcast. I had the delight of having her on as a guest, and I found her to be as compassionate and thoughtful as her writing in this book.
I highly recommend this book as a guide for your individual healing journey toward living a passionate life.
Dr. Richmond offers: Reclaiming Pleasure: The Course .
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book review: Girls & Sex, Boys & Sex, by Peggy Orenstein
When parents of teens and young adults ask me what I recommend they read to grasp some understanding of the sexual culture of today, Peggy Orenstein’s books: Girls & Sex and Boys & Sex top my list.
When parents of teens and young adults ask me what I recommend they read to grasp some understanding of the sexual culture of today - Orenstein’s books top my list. She dives into the lives of young people and shares first hand interviews she conducted. These conversations will give you much needed insight into the sexual development of young men and the complicated sexual landscape for girls. You’ll hear all about what young people are thinking, feeling and navigating in their lives and sexual health.
To be frank, these books are not “easy” reads.
What they are is honest, sometimes surprising, and often heartbreaking. They are also important reading for those who care about the next generation and want to be more aware of the struggles and challenges that young people face in today’s sexual health landscape. Best-selling author and journalist Peggy Orenstein is a good and compassionate guide for you through her writing.
I find that most parents really do want to be supportive and prepare their children with information and tools to navigate their sexual health journey. I also find that sometimes parents have blinders on about their kids and sex, or they are simply unaware of the realities their children are facing.
These books can help to provide you with powerful insights that may assist you to open the door to healthy conversations about sexual health with the boys and girls in your life.
Conversations that matter!
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, these are books that I recommend fully and have read myself.
Book Review: 'Sex Without Pain' by Heather Jeffcoat, DPT
This book is a “how to” resource that is a simple to follow, step-by-step guide designed to put you on the path to healing and pain-free intercourse.
Heather Jeffcoat, DPT is the founder of Fusion Wellness & Femina Physical Therapy, and the author of Sex Without Pain: A Self Treatment Guide to the Sex Life You Deserve. This book is primarily a “how to” resource. The author describes it as:
“a simple to follow, step-by-step guide designed to put you on the path to healing and pain-free intercourse.”
Designed specifically for people who are unable to access pelvic floor physical therapy, it provides a treatment guide through self-assessment, dilator techniques, and stretches for the pelvic floor. Heather is not only an expert in her field, but a caring and affirmative educator about all things sexual and pelvic health.
You can hear more from Heather about her book and pelvic health, specifically causes and treatment options for painful sex in Episode 8 of the Permission for Pleasure Podcast.
Receive 20% off a PDF download of Heather’s book at SexWithoutPainBook.com using code PLEASURE20
Book review: 'Mother's, Daughter's and Body Image' by Hillary McBride
This book provides nourishing practices and language for women to examine unhealthy narratives and replace them with healthy ones. McBride has been an excellent teacher for me and I always learn something from her that is both thoughtful and useful. Her book is a gentle guide for women who desire to re-examine the old scripts over their bodies and embrace a new one.
This beautiful offering from Hillary McBride is one I give as a gift often, and highly recommend to women of all ages. McBride has been an excellent teacher for me over the past several years through her writings and interviews. I always learn something from her that is both thoughtful and useful for my life. I find her to be a wonderful guide for women who desire to re-examine the old scripts over their bodies and embrace a new one.
Along with true stories of young women and their mother’s, the author shares her own story of “recovery from an eating disorder, and how her struggles led her to dream of a new vision for womanhood—from one without body shame, negative comparisons, or insecurities, to one of freedom, connection, and acceptance.”
I agree with McBride that, “Sociocultural messages inundate our dialogues about what it means to be a girl or woman.” This book provides nourishing practices and language for women to revisit unhealthy narratives and replace them with healthy ones. It will help to guide you toward the eye-opening realization of just how often we unknowingly participate “in our own objectification to try to ensure our worth.” It will assist you in a gentle way, to give yourself permission to embrace a different way.
In her words, “This all makes me think about what would happen if I was able to love myself, my body, the parts and the whole, in the way that I love other people? What if as women we could dedicate ourselves to practice kindness and care towards ourselves in the way that we are often so good at being kind and caring to those around us?”
I have found much needed freedom through the words in this book. I am now kinder and gentler toward myself. My hope is that you will find that freedom too.
* To hear more from Hillary on this topic, listen to our conversation on the Permission for Pleasure Podcast: Learning to Listen to Your Body.
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book review: The Body Is Not An Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
“The Body Is Not An Apology” discusses the many ways body shame is absorbed and becomes inherited. It offers both an invitation and a toolkit to dismantle that shame, and replace it with radical self-love.
“Radical self-love is an internal process offering external transformation.”
Activist and poet Sonya Renee Taylor says, “The key to getting out of a maze is remembering the way you got in.” This book addresses the many ways body shame is absorbed and becomes inherited. However, it doesn’t just leave you there. It offers both an invitation and a toolkit to dismantle that shame.
As Taylor says at the start, this book is not about improving your self-esteem or self-confidence. Rather, it guides you through a process of examining the blaring messages of shame you have overtly or covertly ingested and offers “radical self-love as the balm to heal the wounds.”
Throughout the chapters, there are thirty-one “Unapologetic Inquiry” questions to ask yourself. Questions like:
“In what ways have you been asked to apologize for your body?”
“Radical Reflections” are also sprinkled through out the book to consider, for instance: “Self-deprecation is valued as a sign of wit in today’s culture…”
These inquiries and reflections are intended to guide you through the material and the journey within yourself to —
Make peace with your body and the bodies of others.
As a long time nurse and educator, I have found body shame to be one of the most problematic issues for women in their ability to express, experience and enjoy their sexuality. When we hate our bodies and when we feel shame around our bodies, we can be hard pressed to enjoy sex.
The Body is Not an Apology is a powerful resource to get you started on the path to radical self-love.
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: 'Becoming Cliterate' by Laurie Mintz, Ph.D.
The author, Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a psychology professor and human sexuality expert, gets to the heart of ‘Why Orgasm Equality Matters —And How to Get it.’
Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a psychology professor and human sexuality expert, gets to the heart of ‘Why Orgasm Equality Matters - And How To Get It’ in her book Becoming Cliterate. This is a worthwhile read for any woman, but I especially like it for women in their 20-30’s.
Becoming Cliterate won the 2019 Consumer Book of the Year Award from the Society of Sex Therapy and Research for “enhancing understanding of human sexuality and solving sexual problems.” The word I hear most often from women to describe how they feel after reading this book is “empowered!”
Mintz draws on her many years of teaching college aged women with her sassy, articulate, and funny writing style. This makes the book easy to read as well as entertaining. It is written almost like a guide and includes exercises, an abundance of tips and strategies as well as a section written specifically for men, (because honestly, don’t we want everyone to be cliterate!)
This book will increase your knowledge of the clitoris, masturbation, orgasm, female pleasure and communication with a partner in a non-clinical language you can easily receive. Myths will be debunked and truths will be told with the science to back it up. Included at the end is an appendix “Cool Tidbits For Your Lady Bits” that highlights resources - love that!
You can hear Laurie talk about these topics and her book in Episode 2 of the Permission for Pleasure Podcast! HERE
***** Highly recommend
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: Celebrate Your Body, (and its changes too!)
A puberty book with a body-positive focus for girls ages 8+
There is a lot to like about this puberty book for girls that celebrates bodies and their changes too! Sonja Renee Taylor, founder of The Body Is Not An Apology, brings her commitment to radical self-love and body empowerment to this guide designed for girls ages 8+
As with any book on puberty, think of this guide as one option in your tool kit to open conversations with your daughter. I like Taylor’s tone of positive celebration over changing bodies as well as the book’s inclusivity of bodies that are all shapes, sizes and colors. It is simply illustrated, and uses very simple language. I appreciated the repeated emphasis on seeking out a trusted adult to talk, so important for girls to hear early and often!
Chapter themes include: bodies and their changes, anatomy basics, periods, breasts & bras, feelings & friends, and healthy lifestyle and nutrition. This book also offers print and online resources by chapter topic in the back of the book as well as a glossary and index.
My resource 6 tips for using sexual health themed books with your child will give you some quick guidelines as you get started sharing books with your child. And if your child is starting sex ed at school soon, here are my Ten Tips for Parents to help you navigate healthy conversations in your home.
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: Naked at Our Age, Talking Out Loud About Senior Sex
This book is a solid resource for my over 50 crowd. As the author points out, “wrinkles and decades of birthdays are no deterrent to hot sex.”
This book is a solid resource for my over 50 crowd. As the author points out, “wrinkles and decades of birthdays are no deterrent to hot sex.”
Joan Price, calls herself an "advocate for ageless sexuality” and she does a great job of talking out loud about senior sex! The approach is honest and no nonsense in addressing both the challenges and joys of pursing love and sex in the second half of life.
NAKED AT OUR AGE READS A LOT LIKE A QUESTION & ANSWER WORKSHOP.
Men and women from all walks of life candidly ask their questions and tell their stories about sex. Then, the author, along with a wide range of experts, gives their answers, tips and advice. It is very easy to read and has a good index to search for specific topics.
Covering both physical and emotional topics, it addresses relationship issues as well as common health concerns and includes a lot of tangible ideas for sexuality in your 50’s and beyond.
(Do you see all my stickies in the photo? There are some gems in this book!!)
There are 20 chapters, here are a few examples: Reviving Desire, Sex With Myself, Reclaiming Sexuality After Cancer, Erectile Dysfunction (2 chapters), and The Old Ways Don't Do It Anymore.
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: 'She Comes First' by Ian Kerner
Witty and easy to follow, ‘She Comes First’ is filled with lots of solid information about female anatomy and sexual pleasure, and whole lot about oral sex!
‘She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman’ is written to men, but is a great all around read for women and couples together. Witty and easy to follow, it is filled with lots of solid information about female anatomy and sexual pleasure, and a plethora about oral sex!
Kerner, a sex therapist, acknowledges that most men are “ill-cliterate,” and with this book provides simple language for every man to get better acquainted with the female clitoris. As he states, “this book is not anti-intercourse, but rather pro-”outercourse,” which goes along with his statement that “oral sex isn’t just foreplay, it’s coreplay.”
I recommend couples read this book together and discuss it along the way. Learn something new, try something new and have lot’s and lot’s of fun conversation along the way!
Here’s an excerpt I like from Kerner in answer to the number one question sent in to him by women:
”What can I do to have an orgasm during intercourse?”
"Here's a simple answer: Don't have intercourse.
Or at least make it part of the larger event and not the event itself...
When we know how to recognize and navigate the process of female sexual response, when we understand the role of the clitoris in stimulating that process, then sex becomes easier, simpler, and more rewarding, and we're impelled to create pleasure not just with our penises, but with our hands and mouths, bodies and minds. In letting go of intercourse, we open ourselves up to new creative ways of experiencing pleasure, ways that may not strike us as inherently masculine, but ultimately allow us to be more of a man. Sex is no longer penis-dependent, and we can let go of the usual anxieties about size, stamina, and performance. We are free to love with more of ourselves, with our entire self."
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: The Period Book by: Karen + Jennifer Gravelle
This little paperback has solid information, is easy to read and can be a worthwhile option in your family library.
Honestly, I have yet to find the “perfect” book for younger-aged girls. I am still looking, so stay tuned. I do think this little paperback has solid information, is easy to read and can be a worthwhile option in your family library.
With simple illustrations and easy to understand language, it covers puberty and periods. The author also covers the first gynecological visit and the very basics about sex and pregnancy. I especially like the question/answer chapter with questions many young girls ask concerning “Is this normal?” Parents, please understand how often that very question is what needs to be addressed from the get-go. Girls need to first understand what is normal. Secondly, girls need to be affirmed over and over that they are normal!
What I often hear from parents is that they don’t want their child to have ALL the information they see in one book. For example, you may not feel your third grader needs to hear about a first gynecological visit until later (as with this book). So I encourage you to check out my blog 6 tips for using sexual health themed books with your child before you move forward buying and sharing books with your child.
*Note: The Period Book has been around a long time. It was updated last year, and the newer edition includes some additional topics. The picture posted is the original book. It is available at most libraries, which allows you to look through it and decide if it is a good fit for you and your child.
Book Review: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D
Come As You Are is one of the best books I have read on women and sex.
Come As You Are is one the best books written on women and sex.
Dr. Emily Nagoski had me hooked in the introduction. “For a long time in Western science and medicine, women’s sexuality was viewed as Men’s Sexuality Lite -- basically the same but not quite as good,” she writes. “For instance, it was just sort of assumed that since men have orgasms during penis-in-vagina sex (intercourse), women should have orgasms with intercourse too, and if they don’t, it’s because they’re broken. In reality, about 30 percent of women orgasm reliably with intercourse. The other 70 percent sometimes, rarely, or never orgasm with intercourse, and they’re all healthy and normal.”
I mean COME ON!
I am all-in for this read! I know from over 33 years of working with women, that many do not know this fundamental statistic and understanding this can be a pleasure gamechanger!
Dr. Nagoski, Ph.D, draws on her vast experience as both an educator and researcher to break down the newest science on women and sex. She spells things out in a way you can both understand and put to use immediately. I really appreciate her writing style, which is informative but also delightfully sassy and caring -- the combination makes her easy to read.
“You Are Normal”
This is Nagoski’s mantra. And it is the one message so many women need to hear. Also reinforced is the vital role your brain plays as your biggest sex organ, and why. Included within each section are interactive activities, exercises, worksheets, and example stories of both gay and straight women.
Through the research presented, a few things you will learn include: the “partnerships of accelerator and brakes” within sexual response (with ideas about “Turning On the Ons, Turning Off the Off’s”); facts about responsive desire and sexual arousal; and how context (your environment and mental state) influence response. Any one of these concepts might be life-changing for a woman’s understanding of sex and their own body.
Dr. Nagoski’s goal is one I heartily share: “Improve your relationship with your own sexuality.”
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Book Review: I am Confident, Brave & Beautiful by Hopscotch Girls
I have always been a fan of coloring for kids and adults alike, and I am even more of a fan of confidence-builders for girls!
I am Confident, Brave & Beautiful: A Coloring Book For Girls is a coloring book of positive affirmations is designed for girls ages 3 to 8, but certainly can be used by girls a bit older. I have always been a fan of coloring for kids and adults alike, and I am even more of a fan of confidence-builders for girls!
This book was designed by Hopscotch Girls, a company dedicated to empowering girls through strong female role models, inspiring confidence, and providing messaging about healthy body image. I used to buy their magazine back in the day for my own young daughters.
Some example pages include: “I am Strong,” “I am Curious, “I am Kind.” YES! YES! YES!
This is great gift idea for any little girl in your life. It can also be used as a parent/child project, or for girls to color and give pages away to their friends with a hug or fist pump.