24 Conversation Starters and Questions To Help You Talk About Sex With a Partner

Current Favorites

1. What do you most enjoy about our sex life right now?

2. What do I do that really turns you on?

Let’s Do This More

3.  Are there things I can do to make sex more pleasurable, fun, or satisfying for you?

4. What are some of the reasons that motivate you to have sex.

5. Is there anything you would like more of during sex?

Consistency & Variety

6. Do you enjoy having sex the same way with some consistency? 

7. Do you ever wonder about adding more variety to our sex life?

8. Is there something you imagine us doing sexually that makes your heart race? (even if it isn’t something you want to do in real life)

Changing Interests

9. Is there anything you used to like sexually that has changed for you or no longer turns you on?

10. Was there anything in the past that you were not interested in, that you’re now curious about?

11. How do you feel about the amount of affection we show each other outside of sex? Would you like to see it change? Physically, verbally or in other ways? 

 
Frequency 

12. Is there anything you would change about how often we have sex?

13. How often would you ideally like to have sex?

14. How do you feel about scheduling a sex date?

 
Inviting Intimacy & Play

15. What is something we can do with our bedroom space that would invite more intimacy?

16.  Could we play more in the bedroom? 

17.  What is something that sounds playful or fun to you that we could try?

 
Senses & Sensual Touch

18. What parts of your body would you like me to touch more?

19. Which of your 5 senses is the most sensitive? 

20. How has the way you experience sex in your body changed in the last few years?

21. What are some of my body parts that you find sexy?

Initiation 

22. What is your favorite way for me to initiate sex?

23. When you initiate sex and I say no, what feelings come up for you?

24. How would you like me to say no, or not now, when you initiate sex, and I don’t want to?

Temperature Play

Dabbling with different temperatures can be a fun way to bring variety, playfulness, and new sensations into your sexy time. Our bodies have so many potential erogenous zones. It’s easy to focus solely on the genitals and forget the myriad sensitive areas over the entire body. Introducing hot and cold can be an intriguing way to explore with yourself or with a partner. 

Focusing on your senses helps you to stay present in the moment, get out of your head, and pay attention to what your body is feeling. Adding temperature is a relatively easy addition to sensual play. Getting curious about incorporating hot/cold and negotiating consent around it beforehand also alerts your brain to prepare and be on alert for new sensations. It can create exciting and sexy anticipation for your body to experience something new.

3 Ways to bring the heat

1. Use a massage candle or warmed massage oil to explore erogenous zones with heated wax/oil.

2. Drink something hot before kissing or oral sex

3. Focus a showerhead with various degrees of warm water on your genitals. For a hands free pleasure tool, consider the Waterslyde water diverter for an arousing water experience.

3 Ways to cool it down

1. Keep an ice cube in your mouth while kissing or during oral sex.

2. Run a piece of ice down your throat and follow the drip down to your navel or have a partner follow the drip with their tongue. Try the sensation of cold grazing the nipples or ear lobes.

3. Play with popsicles or whipped cream and have fun licking it off.

1 WAy to add intensity

1. Taking away one sense can heighten another. Consider blindfolding a partner on the receiving end of temperature play, with consent first of course. This can add an element of surprise and intensity to hot and cold sensations.

More on these topics:
Using your senses for pleasure
Your brain’s sexual excitement system
Waterslyde (use code CINDY for 10% off)
Maude massage candles (code CINDY10)

New Year Intentions For Better Sex

• Get to know your body and anatomy

• Gain more understanding of your sexuality

• Give yourself permission to try something new

• Get curious about eroticism and sensual play

• Gain more education about sex through the podcast

• Give yourself permission to talk about sex

• Grow your sexual conversation with a partner by using these prompts

• Gift yourself a vibrator or toy

• Grab a good lubricant for sex

• Get curious about temperature play

• Give your arousal a nudge with these three tips

• Get up for morning sex

• Go sexify your bedroom

• Gift yourself a sexual wellness retreat with my book Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden

• Get out of your bedroom boredom with an Ayra intimacy subscription box (use my discount code CS15)

• Glow up your arousal with Foria’s CBD Intimacy Oil