Kivin Method

The Kivin method is more of a position than a technique. It is oral sex for her – sideways. This right angle can allow for increased sensations and highly pleasurable stimulation. Some describe experiencing involuntary, pre-orgasmic contractions and/or powerful orgasms with this position. 

How it works: 
Position: 

• The giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva (T-shape)

• The receiver’s leg will be draped over the giver’s shoulder

• Try using pillows to make things comfortable

Technique: 

• The giver uses their tongue side to side across the vulva

• Focus on exploring the labia, inner thighs, and other areas first before the clitoral hood, and the clitoris

• Make circles, flick your tongue, gently suck - try different and varied techniques to see what brings pleasurable sensations

Remember that the clitoris is erectile tissue.
This means it will swell when aroused. 

Some givers of the Kivin method describe that once the clitoris is good and aroused, they can feel two tiny bumps on either side of the clitoral hood with their tongue. These are called  “K” points, and they are tiny - like a grain of rice. If you feel these, use your tongue across the clitoral hood between these points.

That said, not every person with a vulva enjoys this kind of stimulation nor has detectable “K” points. Experiment and play, then talk through these questions together:

• Do you like this kind of stimulation?

• Is it pleasurable for you? 

• As a partner do you enjoy giving oral in this position?

• Is it fun and exciting to try something new?

More on Oral Sex for Women

The Clitoris Has a Hood

The clitoral hood is located at the top of the vulva where the labia minora (inner lips) meet. It is a fold of skin that protects the glans clitoris (the external part of the clitoris). The glans clitoris is packed with nerve endings and highly sensitive to touch and irritants, like friction. The hood is its protection.

Remember that the glans is only one part of the clitoris, the rest of its structure is internal, but still accessible for arousal and pleasure. 

The amount of the glans covered by the clitoral hood varies from body to body. Each of our bodies is unique. The clitoral hood may cover all, some, or none of the glans clitoris.

When you become sexually aroused, your clitoris becomes engorged or swollen, this pulls back the clitoral hood allowing for more external access to the glans. Be sure to allow yourself enough time for adequate arousal. For some people, the clitoral hood is large, has extra tissue or is very thick. This may interfere with the kind of stimulation they may want/need to the glans clitoris. Below are some ideas to try for a range of different bodies.

Stimulation and pleasure 

Sometimes it feels great to avoid touching the exposed glans and just stimulate the hood or layers of skin around it. For some people, the glans clitoris is sensitive to the point that it is uncomfortable when touched directly. Touching the hood may be a technique to explore for pleasure.

When you touch the clitoral hood and the skin around the glans - it gives the glans little nudges of stimulation indirectly.

Some people can orgasm from stimulation to the clitoral hood alone.

Techniques to try

• Up and down strokes on the hood

• Move the skin of the hood

• Circling the hood

• Tapping the hood

• Gliding over the hood

• Vibration sensations using a vibrator on or near the hood

If you have a very thick or larger clitoral hood

Techniques to try

Apply more direct pressure to the hood

Strong vibrations using a vibrator

Gently draw back the hood (if able) for more direct stimulation to the glans

Use adequate lubricant, and rub around the hood and glans to determine if you can “free up” the glans. If unable to, consult with your healthcare provider.

Some people suffer from clitoral adhesions that hinder the clitoral hood from fully retracting, if you feel this might be the case for you, see your healthcare provider to determine the cause and potential treatment options.

Learn more about these topics:

The clitoris - it’s a network!
Female anatomy 101
A guide to lube
Why female arousal takes more than 5 minutes
Why vibrators work for women
3 tips for boosting your arousal
Reclaim your arousal mindset
Talking about your sexual health with your medical provider

Why Vibrators Work For Women and How To Choose One

There can be a lot of stigma around vibrators and sex toys, but the reality is they don’t have to be scary or overwhelming. And they certainly aren’t bad or taboo. Think of using a vibrator as a sexy experiment, a helpful tool, or an enhancement for pleasure - for yourself, for your partner or for sharing as a couple.

Why vibrators work for women:

The majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. A vibrator is one way to get that kind of intense stimulation. Lots of women use vibrators for solo play and exploration. Many women say they like using a vibrator with a partner, because it speeds up their arousal. Heterosexual couples might use a vibrator to combine intercourse with direct clitoral stimulation. Seniors often comment that a vibrator is the best way to get the stimulation they need to orgasm. These are just examples, there is no one right way to use a vibrator. The fun is in experimenting, and figuring out how one works best for you, or for you and your partner.

Four questions to consider before you choose one

How do you want to use it?

Do you want it specifically for clitoral stimulation, for vaginal penetration, or for both at the same time? Is this for solo play, partnered sex or for both?

How much power and how many options do you want it to have? 

How much power and how many vibrational options do you want it to have? Consider the number of speed levels and variations in pressure. Do you want a suction or air puffs option? How many types of vibration patterns do want to be able to access. Basically, do you want to keep it simple or are you looking for a lot of bells and whistles?

Do you care about aesthetics?

i.e. how it looks, what it is made out of, and the texture or feel of the material. For example, do you want it to be phallic shaped (like a penis) or smaller in size - perhaps to fit right into your hand or even on your fingers.

How about noise level?

Do you need it to be whisper quiet or “turbo charged” is fine?

If you are a first time toy buyer:

It’s probably best to choose something simple that doesn’t feel overwhelming to look at. I recommend that you first use the vibrator on your inner thigh or arm and play with the speeds and vibrations. Do not immediately put it on your vulva and specifically your clitoris or clitoral hood until you have a good idea how it operates and feels. Every woman and each body is different. If one toy doesn’t seem right for you, that doesn’t mean no toy is right for you. It may take trying out a few - this is normal. Remember, as you go through seasons of life in your body, there will be shifts and changes. Stay curious about that, and adjust accordingly. 

If you are buying a toy to use with a partner:

I highly recommend picking it out together. This allows for discussion about how you’ll use it and what appeals to both of you - always a good idea!

Oftentimes, one partner may be ready to introduce a toy and the other is hesitant or frankly has never even thought about it. Communication is essential. Remember a toy doesn’t talk, caress, kiss or cuddle. For couples, it’s an addition, not a replacement. Consent from both partners before adding something new into your intimacy is a must. Sometimes partners may feel they should be “enough” and if a vibrator is needed or desired then “something is wrong with you,” or “something is wrong with me.” This might stem from many things, perhaps a lack of sex education - especially about female bodies, false cultural narratives, toys being seen as taboo or negative past experiences. If talking about sex with your partner is difficult, as a segue you might read this blog together and start a conversation about why it might be helpful or fun or sexy to add a toy to the bedroom.

Pointing you in a direction to get started.

Picking vibrator for the first time can feel a bit daunting. New things, especially related to sex, often make people feel uncomfortable. You are not alone if you feel afraid to go into a store and buy a vibrator, or feel a bit nervous about starting with one. But guess what? You can buy one online and test it out without ever having to interact with a human being. Many companies often send them in discreet packaging, too, so you don’t feel uncomfortable pulling it out of your mailbox. Female-owned companies that I recommend are below. They sell unique vibrators, toys and have a reputation for offering high quality products.

MAUDE (use discount code CINDY10)
INTIMATE WELLBEING (use discount code CINDY15)
DAME

More on this topic
The clitoris it’s a network!
Vibrators, Edging & Anal Sex
Couples, Communication & Sex
Anatomy 101

*AFFILIATE LINKS AND RECOMMENDATIONS: I may earn a small commission when readers purchase products through my affiliate links. This doesn't affect which products are included. I choose products carefully, and anything I recommend on my website is recommended for its quality, performance, and overall reputation, regardless of any affiliate relationship.

Book Review: 'She Comes First' by Ian Kerner

‘She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman’ is written to men, but is a great all around read for women and couples together. Witty and easy to follow, it is filled with lots of solid information about female anatomy and sexual pleasure, and a plethora about oral sex!

Kerner, a sex therapist, acknowledges that most men are “ill-cliterate,” and with this book provides simple language for every man to get better acquainted with the female clitoris. As he states, “this book is not anti-intercourse, but rather pro-”outercourse,” which goes along with his statement that “oral sex isn’t just foreplay, it’s coreplay.”

I recommend couples read this book together and discuss it along the way. Learn something new, try something new and have lot’s and lot’s of fun conversation along the way!

Here’s an excerpt I like from Kerner in answer to the number one question sent in to him by women:

”What can I do to have an orgasm during intercourse?”

"Here's a simple answer: Don't have intercourse.

Or at least make it part of the larger event and not the event itself...

When we know how to recognize and navigate the process of female sexual response, when we understand the role of the clitoris in stimulating that process, then sex becomes easier, simpler, and more rewarding, and we're impelled to create pleasure not just with our penises, but with our hands and mouths, bodies and minds. In letting go of intercourse, we open ourselves up to new creative ways of experiencing pleasure, ways that may not strike us as inherently masculine, but ultimately allow us to be more of a man. Sex is no longer penis-dependent, and we can let go of the usual anxieties about size, stamina, and performance. We are free to love with more of ourselves, with our entire self."

Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.