Kivin Method

The Kivin method is more of a position than a technique. It is oral sex for her – sideways. This right angle can allow for increased sensations and highly pleasurable stimulation. Some describe experiencing involuntary, pre-orgasmic contractions and/or powerful orgasms with this position. 

How it works: 
Position: 

• The giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva (T-shape)

• The receiver’s leg will be draped over the giver’s shoulder

• Try using pillows to make things comfortable

Technique: 

• The giver uses their tongue side to side across the vulva

• Focus on exploring the labia, inner thighs, and other areas first before the clitoral hood, and the clitoris

• Make circles, flick your tongue, gently suck - try different and varied techniques to see what brings pleasurable sensations

Remember that the clitoris is erectile tissue.
This means it will swell when aroused. 

Some givers of the Kivin method describe that once the clitoris is good and aroused, they can feel two tiny bumps on either side of the clitoral hood with their tongue. These are called  “K” points, and they are tiny - like a grain of rice. If you feel these, use your tongue across the clitoral hood between these points.

That said, not every person with a vulva enjoys this kind of stimulation nor has detectable “K” points. Experiment and play, then talk through these questions together:

• Do you like this kind of stimulation?

• Is it pleasurable for you? 

• As a partner do you enjoy giving oral in this position?

• Is it fun and exciting to try something new?

More on Oral Sex for Women

Three Sex Positions With Props

Lifted Missionary or Pillow Tilt

Prop needed: pillow/pillows - multiple soft, one firm, or a sex pillow specifically designed as a wedge 
How this works: The woman is laying on the bottom and the penetrating partner is on top. Place pillows under the woman’s buttocks in a way that lifts her hips. Experiment with height and angles that allow for the most pleasure.
Variation: The partner on top is in a standing position at the side of the bed. The woman can place her legs on either side of her partner, on partner’s shoulders or wrapped around her partner’s waist.
Why you might like this:
It can allow for deeper penetration, possible access to a g-spot, and more contact with the head of the clitoris via angling. It also provides a great visual and direct eye contact. 
Added bonus - if you pair direct clitoral stimulation with hands or a toy.

 
Chair Sex (variation on cowgirl)

Prop needed: chair - you may have to try a few to land on the right one for the rider’s height, leg, and hip flexibility (all chairs aren’t built alike)
How this works: The partner sits in a chair and the woman straddles her partner in a sitting position facing them.
Variation: Reverse the woman’s position so that she is sitting on her partner’s lap and facing out (reverse cowgirl). Again through angling, rocking, shallowing or pairing clitoral stimulation by the woman herself.
Why you might like this: It allows the woman to control her movements, angles, and timing to hit all the right pleasure spots. It provides lots of skin-to-skin contact, and direct eye contact. 
Added bonus - if you experiment with the pleasure techniques of rocking, shallowing and grinding.

Sex with height or heels

Prop needed: added height with heels or stairs
How it works: The woman wears heels for various standing positions. For entry from the front try a three legged dog position (she has one leg wrapped around partners waist). For entry from behind, try a standing spoon position or doggy style with a wall/couch/table for support. 
Variation: If you have access to stairs, you can use the different stair heights to position yourselves. For example: the woman kneels on one stair, her feet on a stair below that and her arms or hands on the stair above her. The partner kneels behind - on a lower stair. The woman will need to adjust her height to meet her partner’s pelvis comfortably. The partner below will need to hold hips for support.
Why you might like this:
Height discrepancies in standing positions can make things tricky or even uncomfortable. A little extra height may give your bodies the alignment they need.
Added bonus - pair direct clitoral stimulation with hands or a toy.  

Rather listen? Hear it on the podcast

4 Techniques Women Use To Increase Pleasure With Penetration

While there are a percentage of women who sometimes orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, most of the women I have talked to over three decades as a nurse say that they cannot or rarely do.

You are normal if you do or don’t!

I want to share 4 techniques women use to increase their pleasure with penetration. To clarify, when I say penetration, this can mean a penis, toy, or fingers. These techniques outlined below provide stimulation to the clitoris which is the main pleasure organ for women.

OMGyes, a research company and website devoted to women’s sexual pleasure, in partnership with Indiana University School of Medicine, conducted a nationally representative study of over 3000 women ages 18-93, and I am sharing their results. These techniques were reported and named through their study and published in the scientific journal, PLOS ONE

Having language for what works or to describe what you want can be helpful.

It is helpful for yourself, in understanding your body and how you experience pleasure. Additionally, it can be very helpful in communicating with a partner - to describe what you want and desire. You may read one or more of these techniques and think to yourself, “Ohhhh, I do that!” Or, you might read and think, “Hmmmm…. I want to try that one and see how it feels!” Get curious and explore. Your pleasure matters!

4 ways women report experiencing more pleasure from vaginal penetration

Shallowing: 

84% of women report using this technique

This is touch that stays just inside the entrance of the vagina - not all the way into the vagina. It is often slower, shallow thrusts and more gentle motions. Some women report enjoying a “curling motion” over and over. Good arousal and warm up time is key along with adequate lubrication. The perineum or tissue between the vagina and rectum is sensitive and will want lubrication to decrease friction but not sensation!

Watch my demo on Instagram

Pairing:

70% of women report using this technique

This is basically including stimulation to the clitoris along with penetration at the same time. This can be done by either by the woman, by her partner or with a toy. Remember, the clitoris is the key to women’s pleasure. So, if you enjoy stimulation to the glans clitoris on the outside of the vulva -reach down to stimulate that area. You can do this yourself or ask a partner do it. Have a conversation about it and you might ask a partner if you can guide their hand to show them where/how you enjoy the touch. Also consider choosing positions that allow for this kind of reach to the glans clitoris.

Watch my demo on Vimeo

Rocking:

76% of women report using this technique

With rocking, penetration stays inside. There isn’t thrusting motion. This allows the glans clitoris to be in constant contact without interrupted stimulation. Some people may call this grinding or other terms. If you are doing this with a partner, one way to “remind” them to keep still might be to wrap your legs around them. This prevents them from moving and allows more grinding and rocking motions by you rather than them (whether you are on the top or on the bottom).

Watch my demo on Instagram

Angling:

88% of women report using this technique

You may be doing this naturally, as it involves rotating, raising, or lowering the hips to adjust where the penis, fingers or toy comes in contact with the clitoral hood or glans clitoris. The distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening varies from woman to woman so there is not a set landmark to gauge from. You might consider using a pillow under your buttocks and experimenting with height and firmness. Another option to try is rounding your back to tuck your pelvis up or putting one leg up. Get creative and try tilting different ways and in different angles for different sensations.

These four techniques identified by OMGYES can really help you to talk about things you want to try or positions you want to use with a partner. Communication is key.

Prefer to listen? Hear Pleasure Techniques on the Permission for Pleasure Podcast

Learn more about these topics
All about the clitoris
The clitoris has a hood
Orgasm questions
Why female arousal takes more than 5 minutes
Talking with a partner about sex
Why vibrators work for women
Guide to lube

Articles about sex to increase your pleasure.

Photo Credit: KScharkey

Here is a round up of a few articles and blogs about sex that were popular with my newsletter community. Cheers to more people increasing their pleasure through good education!

*If you enjoy curated sex education like this, I want to invite you sign up for my newsletter.

Pleasure Techniques with Penetration

Currently, my most visited blog about the 4 techniques women use to increase pleasure with penetration. The fact is, only about 18% of women orgasm with vaginal penetration alone. These techniques are worth exploring to increase your pleasure and allow for more orgasms!

11 Expert-Approved Sex Positions For Couples With High Drives

This article from mindbodygreen.com walks you through “specific techniques that feature the winning combination of penetration and clitoral stimulation.” It includes simple drawings to demonstrate each technique.

Why Vibrators Work for Women and How To Choose One

This blog draws a lot of readers! There is a lot of stigma around sex toys, but the reality is they don’t have to be scary or overwhelming. And they certainly aren’t bad or taboo! Included are how to introduce a vibrator with a partner, choosing one that’s right for you and beginner recommendations.

Sex Sexperts Share How They Orgasm

This article from Dame gives voice to the myriad ways women climax involving vibrators, fingers, tongues and penetration. It will make it very clear that there is no right way to orgasm and why pleasure is the best focus!

The 10 Sex Questions Every Long-term Couple Wants To Ask

Great article by British sex expert Tracey Cox for the Daily Mail. It addresses solutions to the ten most common sex challenges people in long-term relationships face. She offers practical tips on oral sex, initiating sex, how to go about a sexual "reset," fantasy, and why doing the same thing over and over is "sexual suicide."

All About Lube

This blog gets a lot of traffic as well as it’s corresponding episode on the Permission for Pleasure Podcast (Episode 12). You’ll read the facts about lube, learn the types available, hear my personal recommendations, and get discount codes to try my favorites!

The 45+ Best Sex Positions Every Couple Should Try

If you are looking for a new sex position to try, you will definitely find it in this article. The 45+ Best Sex Positions Every Couple Should Try offers something for everyone. With each position you're given the name, benefits, technique, as well as a hot tip to go along with a drawn image.

Can Women Be Multiorgasmic? How Can I Experience Multiple Orgasms?

Question: “I’ve read a lot about women having multiple orgasms at a time. Is that a real thing? How can I achieve multiple orgasms at one time?”

Yes! women can be multi-orgasmic

Multi-orgasmic means capable of having more than one orgasm in a single sexual session. While women have the capacity to be multi-orgasmic, not every woman experiences them nor desires them. The available research suggests approximately 15% of women report experiencing multiple orgasms and there is also a broad range of how women describe their experiences. Multi-orgasmic women would attest that allowing yourself to experience multiple orgasms requires not only a good understanding of your own body and how you function sexually, but a good amount of practice as well.

Whether you experience one orgasm at a time or more in one setting — you are normal!

Orgasm is something you allow to happen.

Often women need an adjustment in their mindset from achieve to allow. This may help with recognizing and experiencing pleasure and that alone is a win. If the orgasms keep coming, well …. even more reason to celebrate. (More on orgasm here.)

Women have a large area of erectile tissue included in the whole clitoral network. All of that network is available to be activated with stimulation if there is adequate arousal. After experiencing an orgasm, the resolution phase (lowering of arousal) is a slower process for women. So, if arousal is maintained post initial climax, women can have the ability to build up to orgasm again and again in the same sexual session. Certainly, people may take a rest or pause, however they don’t allow enough time to significantly lower their level of arousal.

Keep in mind that it helps to be open to various forms of stimulation and ways to orgasm if you are wanting to experiment with understanding your body and how it can build up to orgasm more than once. Female bodies are able to experience many different kinds or types of orgasms depending on where and how the clitoral network or other erogenous zones are being stimulated.

(To learn more listen ‘The Key to Female Pleasure’)

Each orgasm may feel differently — this is normal.

Multi-orgasmic women describe making use of varied pleasure zones as well as forms of stimulation. So, while some people may be more prone than others to experience multiple orgasms, another factor that might come into play is one’s openness to what sex can look like. For example: oral stimulation; manual (self or partnered) stimulation; sensual touch and nipple play; penetration; pleasure techniques with penetration; stimulation to your G-spot, vibrators and changing of positions - all these variations are options for stimulating all the parts of the clitoris and other pleasure sensitive areas. Again, realistically it may take time for you to learn to recognize your response to various stimulation and what you enjoy and find pleasure in. Yes, that’s my encouragement for practice!

Be attentive to your most important sex organ!

Your brain is your most important sex organ. Mentally focus on pleasure and sensation rather than a goal of becoming multi-orgasmic. This is a healthy mindset that can help you in the allowing of climax. Intentionally engage your sensuality - what sparks or arouses sexual feelings or desire. Tune into your senses, this activates your sexual excitement system which you want to keep fired up to maintain arousal.

If having multiple orgasms is something you are curious about, and you are having partnered sex, talk about your desire together. You may also want to investigate these four techniques that women use to increase their pleasure with penetration. Communication is essential as you mutually explore.

* A note about males and multi-orgasm. While they may have the capacity to be multi-orgasmic, many don’t investigate this. For most men, climax usually involves ejaculation, (multi-orgasmic men often learn to experience orgasm without ejaculation). After ejaculation, the lowering of arousal phase (called refractory phase) is fast for men — much quicker than for women. Many men are unable to immediately become physically aroused again. From the research, we find that while males have the capacity to experience more than one orgasm in a sexual session, few have the desire to gain the needed self-control training required to experience it.
Curious? Listen to this episode: Can Men Be Mulit-orgasmic?