The Orgasm Series continues: Answering your questions From my sex survey.
Question: “I’ve read a lot about multiple orgasms at a time. Is that only in those romance books? I consider myself pretty sexual and so is my husband, but we both usually achieve orgasms one time during sex. How can I achieve multiple orgasms at one time?”
YES women can be multi-orgasmic and NO it is not only in the romance books.
While women have the potential to be multi-orgasmic, not every woman experiences multiple orgasms nor desires them. If you are happy and content with one at a time, that is perfectly wonderful. Most multi-orgasmic women would attest that the ability to be multi-orgasmic often takes a good amount of practice and a whole lot of self-awareness.
Whether you experience one orgasm at a time or many in one setting — ALL of you are NORMAL!
Orgasm is something you allow to happen. Often women need an adjustment in their mindset from “achieve” to “allow.” This may help with recognizing and experiencing pleasure and that by itself is a win. If the orgasms keep coming, well …. even more wins. (More on orgasm here.)
Women have a large area of erectile tissue when the whole clitoral network is involved (learn more with my clitoris network blog). All of that network will engorge with blood if there is adequate arousal. After experiencing an orgasm, the resolution phase (lowering of arousal) is a slow process for women. So, if there is continued stimulation post-climax, women have the ability to quickly build up to orgasm again and again. Each orgasm may feel differently — this is normal.
Keep in mind it helps to be open to various forms of stimulation and ways to orgasm if you are wanting to experiment with understanding your body and how it can build up to orgasm more than once in a setting. Many multi-orgasmic women do so by using varied and multiple techniques, for example: oral stimulation; manual (self or partnered) stimulation; penetration; vibrators and multiple positions. It often takes time as you learn to recognize your response to various things as well as just how much “rest” you need before the next build up. Don’t forget, your brain is part of the equation to maintain your arousal.
It is important to note here, that if having multiple orgasms is new to you and your partner — communicating that you would like to experiment with this is vital. Being on the same page is essential as you mutually explore. Mentally focus on pleasure and fun rather than a goal of becoming multi-orgasmic. This is a healthy mindset that actually may promote “allowing” of climax.
Regarding men, while they may have the capacity to be multi-orgasmic it is vastly different than women. For most men, climax involves ejaculation, period. (Multi-orgasmic men experience orgasm without ejaculation). As you likely have noticed, after ejaculation, the lowering of arousal phase (called refractory phase) is lightening fast for men — much faster than for women. The majority of men are unable to immediately become physically aroused again. From the research, we find that few men have the desire to gain the needed self-control training required to experience multiple orgasms. Along those lines, it makes sense that if you only desire intercourse (and are not open to other forms of stimulation) to orgasm with a male partner, that partner has to have the ability to “hold out” and not ejaculate until you have had all the orgasms you want. Again, keeping the communication open between partners is a must.
For those of you reading this and thinking, “I’d just like to have an orgasm, period. Why is it SO hard for me?” I want you to know I “see” you. You are not alone. I hear this from SO many women and in many of the comments on my survey. This is a big reason I have moved into this space, trying to open conversations about sex. I hope you will reach out to me for a consult to talk. I so much want to help.