Kivin Method
A how-to guide to the Kivin Method: Oral for her -sideways!
The Kivin method is more of a position than a technique. It is oral sex for her – sideways. This right angle can allow for increased sensations and highly pleasurable stimulation. Some describe experiencing involuntary, pre-orgasmic contractions and/or powerful orgasms with this position.
How it works:
Position:
The giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva (T-shape)
The receiver’s leg will be draped over the giver’s shoulder
Try using pillows to make things comfortable
Technique:
The giver uses their tongue side to side across the vulva
Focus on exploring the labia, inner thighs, and other areas first before the clitoral hood, and the clitoris
Make circles, flick your tongue, gently suck - try different and varied techniques to see what brings pleasurable sensations
Remember that the clitoris is erectile tissue.
This means it will swell when aroused.
Some givers of the Kivin method describe that once the clitoris is good and aroused, they can feel two tiny bumps on either side of the clitoral hood with their tongue. These are called “K” points, and they are tiny - like a grain of rice. If you feel these, use your tongue across the clitoral hood between these points.
That said, not every person with a vulva enjoys this kind of stimulation nor has detectable “K” points. Experiment and play, then talk through these questions together:
Do you like this kind of stimulation?
Is it pleasurable for you?
As a partner do you enjoy giving oral in this position?
Is it fun and exciting to try something new?
Three Sex Positions With Props
3 sex positions to try using props
Lifted Missionary or Pillow Tilt
Prop needed: pillow/pillows - multiple soft, one firm, or a sex pillow specifically designed as a wedge
How this works: The woman is laying on the bottom and the penetrating partner is on top. Place pillows under the woman’s buttocks in a way that lifts her hips. Experiment with height and angles that allow for the most pleasure.
Variation: The partner on top is in a standing position at the side of the bed. The woman can place her legs on either side of her partner, on partner’s shoulders or wrapped around her partner’s waist.
Why you might like this:
It can allow for deeper penetration, possible access to a g-spot, and more contact with the head of the clitoris via angling. It also provides a great visual and direct eye contact.
Added bonus - if you pair direct clitoral stimulation with hands or a toy.
Chair Sex (variation on cowgirl)
Prop needed: chair - you may have to try a few to land on the right one for the rider’s height, leg, and hip flexibility (all chairs aren’t built alike)
How this works: The partner sits in a chair and the woman straddles her partner in a sitting position facing them.
Variation: Reverse the woman’s position so that she is sitting on her partner’s lap and facing out (reverse cowgirl). Again through angling, rocking, shallowing or pairing clitoral stimulation by the woman herself.
Why you might like this: It allows the woman to control her movements, angles, and timing to hit all the right pleasure spots. It provides lots of skin-to-skin contact, and direct eye contact.
Added bonus - if you experiment with the pleasure techniques of rocking, shallowing and grinding.
Sex with height or heels
Prop needed: added height with heels or stairs
How it works: The woman wears heels for various standing positions. For entry from the front try a three legged dog position (she has one leg wrapped around partners waist). For entry from behind, try a standing spoon position or doggy style with a wall/couch/table for support.
Variation: If you have access to stairs, you can use the different stair heights to position yourselves. For example: the woman kneels on one stair, her feet on a stair below that and her arms or hands on the stair above her. The partner kneels behind - on a lower stair. The woman will need to adjust her height to meet her partner’s pelvis comfortably. The partner below will need to hold hips for support.
Why you might like this:
Height discrepancies in standing positions can make things tricky or even uncomfortable. A little extra height may give your bodies the alignment they need.
Added bonus - pair direct clitoral stimulation with hands or a toy.
Rather listen? Hear it on the podcast
Book Review: Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston CNM, RN, BSN, LMT
If you have a desire to explore taking your pleasure to the next level, this book is for you.
If you have a desire to explore taking your pleasure to the next level, this book is for you. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal won the American Academy of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) Book of the Year in 2010. It’s been around a while and remains a steadfast favorite of many.
Winston’s writing is easy to understand, and she comes across like a more experienced, sensual, big sister. Packed with education on women’s anatomy and physiology, this practical guide includes sections for '‘Play and Practice,” allowing you to get practical with the material.
If you are open to erotic exploration outside the so-called box, you will find this book both enriching and entertaining. Through drawings, art, quotes, and poetry, Winston educates on energy, breathing, a little magic, and a lot of “higher-level, whole-system perspective.”
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and Winston’s “in-depth, illustrated tour of the land of female genitalia, feminine sexuality and the intimate erotic arts.”
***** Highly recommend
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Exploring Your Perspective Of Pleasure
How do you feel about pleasure? Use these questions to find out.
How do you feel about pleasure?
Exploring Your Perspective of Pleasure
Did you grow up with education around how your body experiences pleasure? The combination of cultural messaging, lack of education and silence all factor into shaping our perception of sexual desire, as well as our ability to allow ourselves physical pleasure.
There is no shame in desiring, enjoying and experiencing pleasure with sex.
More than likely, you don’t often see a woman depicted in a movie who enjoys and pursues sex for the pleasure of it. Even more unusual is a woman portrayed who desires sex because she wants to be pleased, instead of being desperate to please.
The exercise of understanding the messaging you have taken in around pleasure is important for your overall sexual health and ability to pursue pleasure. Investigate what your internal voice says and what you have come to believe about pleasure. Take some time with the statements below and ask yourself questions such as:
“Do I believe this?” or “Do I tell myself this?”
Sex is a performance for someone else.
My partner’s pleasure and satisfaction are what matters most.
Sex is not for my pleasure
My sexual pleasure is wrong, not allowed or doesn’t matter.
I am a vehicle for pleasure; I can’t receive it.
My pleasure is a bonus, not a focus of intimacy.
My partner is responsible for my pleasure.
After working through these questions, decide for yourself what holds true and what doesn’t. You have permission to throw out ideas you no longer believe and grab onto new ones.
You can give yourself - permission for pleasure!
Learn more on this topic:
Are you having sex worth wanting?
Permission for Pleasure Podcast
My letter to young women
10 ways to be sexual without masturbating