Book Review: Yes, Your Kid by Debby Herbenick, PhD
There are some stark differences in the sexual lives of modern teenagers and young adults. Parents need to know about this sexual landscape in order to help their kids navigate it.
When I asked Debby Herbenick why she wrote this book. She said, “Parents need an update!”
As a parent, sex educator and researcher, Herbenick says that, “Most of the sex education books for parents were written in the before times.” Not only were they written before current social media, but also before the internet as it is today with widely accessible pornography. There are some stark differences in the sexual lives of modern teenagers and young adults, and parents need to know about this sexual landscape in order to help their kids navigate it.
This book provides parents education around topics such as: taking and sharing sexual images, sexting, birth control, anal sex, pornography, STI’s and even includes a packing list for your college student. I appreciated the author’s detailed research and statistics, as well as her practical tips on talking to different aged children appropriately. Also included are some role play scenarios for parents to demonstrate how they can respond to questions and keep the doors open for further conversations with their kids.
The rise and mainstreaming of rough sex is one of the most profound changes that Herbenick wants parents to know about. I was so compelled by what she wrote in the book that I invited her to be a guest on the podcast. As she says in the book, “Today’s version of rough sex is different than you may think—more aggressive and riskier, and often with little or no communication between partners.” Listen in to hear us talk more about this topic (especially choking) in episode 91 that drops July 10th.
If you are a parent of a tween, teen or young adult, I highly recommend this book as an excellent resource.
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
6 tips for using sexual health themed books with your child
Using books can jump-start conversations with your child.
Using books can jump start conversations with your child.
Read the book before sharing it with your child. Understand what content is there.
Especially with younger child, reading the book together may be the way to go. This will allow you to filter information, give alternate language and answer immediate questions as you read.
Feel the freedom to read parts of a book together at one point and leave other parts for later. There may be parts you want to leave out altogether.
If you give your child a book, HAND it to them. Please don’t just leave it for them to randomly find. You want to communicate your comfort and availability in being their primary source of sex education.
Follow up so that you can answer questions and initiate discussion. Even if they do not come to you and ask--YOU initiate follow up conversation.
No book is perfect. No parent is perfect. We are not trying for perfect. Our goal is to do the very best we can to give the right information at the right time.
Learn more:
Letter to parents
Conversations starters for parenting partners
My child is starting sex ed at school. Send help!
Why Sex-Ed Really Matters
Mother/Daughter Interview
Less Shame. More Sex Ed
Childhood sexual abuse prevention: 2 tools for parents
