Book Review: Yes, Your Kid by Debby Herbenick, PhD
There are some stark differences in the sexual lives of modern teenagers and young adults. Parents need to know about this sexual landscape in order to help their kids navigate it.
When I asked Debby Herbenick why she wrote this book. She said, “Parents need an update!”
As a parent, sex educator and researcher, Herbenick says that, “Most of the sex education books for parents were written in the before times.” Not only were they written before current social media, but also before the internet as it is today with widely accessible pornography. There are some stark differences in the sexual lives of modern teenagers and young adults, and parents need to know about this sexual landscape in order to help their kids navigate it.
This book provides parents education around topics such as: taking and sharing sexual images, sexting, birth control, anal sex, pornography, STI’s and even includes a packing list for your college student. I appreciated the author’s detailed research and statistics, as well as her practical tips on talking to different aged children appropriately. Also included are some role play scenarios for parents to demonstrate how they can respond to questions and keep the doors open for further conversations with their kids.
The rise and mainstreaming of rough sex is one of the most profound changes that Herbenick wants parents to know about. I was so compelled by what she wrote in the book that I invited her to be a guest on the podcast. As she says in the book, “Today’s version of rough sex is different than you may think—more aggressive and riskier, and often with little or no communication between partners.” Listen in to hear us talk more about this topic (especially choking) in episode 91 that drops July 10th.
If you are a parent of a tween, teen or young adult, I highly recommend this book as an excellent resource.
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Teaching Kids About Consent
Teaching your kids about consent: Why I don’t want you to tell your kids that ‘One thing leads to another.’
Why I don’t want you to tell your kids that ‘One thing leads to another.’
Informed consent means yes to the one thing discussed and decided upon.
It is not an implicit agreement to do anything else or to take things further; for example, agreeing to or initiating making out with someone does not mean yes to anything else until consent is revisited.
Young people are often told that “one thing leads to another” when it comes to sex. Then they get into situations where that misguided mantra causes them to believe that if they gave consent for one thing, like oral sex, that means if things progress from there to penetration, well…
“one thing led to another.”
One thing does not lead to another without revisited consent!
Consent also includes the right to revoke your yes at any time. If you consented, but then decide in the middle of an encounter that something is painful, emotionally triggering, or it makes you uncomfortable — even if you initially agreed to participate in it — you have the right to change your yes to a no! This is an important point about consent: You have the right to change your mind. You have the right to say, “Stop now!”
Consent means: Yes, to one thing discussed and decided upon.
Consent does not mean: An implicit agreement to do anything else or to take things further.
Consent includes: The right to revoke your yes at any time.
Listen: 'The value of sex education' on The Good is in the Details podcast
Listen in on this conversation chock-full of solid sex education with Gwendolyn Dolske and Konstantin Hatcher on the Good is in the Details Podcast.
I had a conversation chock-full of solid sex education with Gwendolyn Dolske and Konstantin Hatcher on the Good is in the Details Podcast. We talked about how we can better understand female pleasure, the lack of ownership women feel over their bodies, and the importance of a woman’s sexual relationship with herself. There is also good discussion about desire styles, painful sex and how to talk with a partner about sex. Lots of tips for parents on this episode as well - talking with your child about sex, how to use role play and why it’s important for a child to know the names for their genitals. A rich discussion worth your time.
Give it a listen at the links below
