Kivin Method

The Kivin method is more of a position than a technique. It is oral sex for her – sideways. This right angle can allow for increased sensations and highly pleasurable stimulation. Some describe experiencing involuntary, pre-orgasmic contractions and/or powerful orgasms with this position. 

How it works: 
Position: 

• The giver positions themselves perpendicular to the receiver’s vulva (T-shape)

• The receiver’s leg will be draped over the giver’s shoulder

• Try using pillows to make things comfortable

Technique: 

• The giver uses their tongue side to side across the vulva

• Focus on exploring the labia, inner thighs, and other areas first before the clitoral hood, and the clitoris

• Make circles, flick your tongue, gently suck - try different and varied techniques to see what brings pleasurable sensations

Remember that the clitoris is erectile tissue.
This means it will swell when aroused. 

Some givers of the Kivin method describe that once the clitoris is good and aroused, they can feel two tiny bumps on either side of the clitoral hood with their tongue. These are called  “K” points, and they are tiny - like a grain of rice. If you feel these, use your tongue across the clitoral hood between these points.

That said, not every person with a vulva enjoys this kind of stimulation nor has detectable “K” points. Experiment and play, then talk through these questions together:

• Do you like this kind of stimulation?

• Is it pleasurable for you? 

• As a partner do you enjoy giving oral in this position?

• Is it fun and exciting to try something new?

More on Oral Sex for Women

5 ideas for keeping it sexy using condoms

Putting on a condom is ruining the mood; how can I keep it sexy?

This question was submitted in my recent Ask Me Anything Q & A. If you are feeling the same way, here are five ideas to try.

1. Change your mindset. Literally, say “sexy” rather than “ugh” to yourself and each other. Don’t turn yourself off with a negative voice in your head or out loud to each other.

Your brain is your most important sex organ - Use it!

Let me also add that if you desire to prevent pregnancy and/or you are taking measures to have safe sex with a barrier method such as condoms - that is sexy!

2. Try different textured condoms.

Condoms come in several textures such as ribbed, dot design, and studded. Check out a different brand or type and see what sensations feel good for both of you. If either partner has sensitivities, you’ll want to take this into consideration before trying these options.

3. Use your mouth along with your fingers.

Combining oral pleasure as you roll it on adds some different stimulation. Look into each other’s eyes for even more heat and connection.

4. Use 1-2 drops of lube inside the condom.

Lube not only makes using condoms more comfortable, for some it can increase pleasure. Try using a small amount of lube and see what a difference it can make. Reminder: oil-based products are not compatible with latex condoms - use water based or silicone.

5. Roll it on in a 69 position to combine with oral for the partner on top.

This idea is both sexy and pleasurable for both partners. Taking your time here will definitely keep you in the mood while rolling one on!

Book Review: 'She Comes First' by Ian Kerner

‘She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman’ is written to men, but is a great all around read for women and couples together. Witty and easy to follow, it is filled with lots of solid information about female anatomy and sexual pleasure, and a plethora about oral sex!

Kerner, a sex therapist, acknowledges that most men are “ill-cliterate,” and with this book provides simple language for every man to get better acquainted with the female clitoris. As he states, “this book is not anti-intercourse, but rather pro-”outercourse,” which goes along with his statement that “oral sex isn’t just foreplay, it’s coreplay.”

I recommend couples read this book together and discuss it along the way. Learn something new, try something new and have lot’s and lot’s of fun conversation along the way!

Here’s an excerpt I like from Kerner in answer to the number one question sent in to him by women:

”What can I do to have an orgasm during intercourse?”

"Here's a simple answer: Don't have intercourse.

Or at least make it part of the larger event and not the event itself...

When we know how to recognize and navigate the process of female sexual response, when we understand the role of the clitoris in stimulating that process, then sex becomes easier, simpler, and more rewarding, and we're impelled to create pleasure not just with our penises, but with our hands and mouths, bodies and minds. In letting go of intercourse, we open ourselves up to new creative ways of experiencing pleasure, ways that may not strike us as inherently masculine, but ultimately allow us to be more of a man. Sex is no longer penis-dependent, and we can let go of the usual anxieties about size, stamina, and performance. We are free to love with more of ourselves, with our entire self."

Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.

Can Women Be Multiorgasmic? How Can I Experience Multiple Orgasms?

Question: “I’ve read a lot about women having multiple orgasms at a time. Is that a real thing? How can I achieve multiple orgasms at one time?”

Yes! women can be multi-orgasmic

Multi-orgasmic means capable of having more than one orgasm in a single sexual session. While women have the capacity to be multi-orgasmic, not every woman experiences them nor desires them. The available research suggests approximately 15% of women report experiencing multiple orgasms and there is also a broad range of how women describe their experiences. Multi-orgasmic women would attest that allowing yourself to experience multiple orgasms requires not only a good understanding of your own body and how you function sexually, but a good amount of practice as well.

Whether you experience one orgasm at a time or more in one setting — you are normal!

Orgasm is something you allow to happen.

Often women need an adjustment in their mindset from achieve to allow. This may help with recognizing and experiencing pleasure and that alone is a win. If the orgasms keep coming, well …. even more reason to celebrate. (More on orgasm here.)

Women have a large area of erectile tissue included in the whole clitoral network. All of that network is available to be activated with stimulation if there is adequate arousal. After experiencing an orgasm, the resolution phase (lowering of arousal) is a slower process for women. So, if arousal is maintained post initial climax, women can have the ability to build up to orgasm again and again in the same sexual session. Certainly, people may take a rest or pause, however they don’t allow enough time to significantly lower their level of arousal.

Keep in mind that it helps to be open to various forms of stimulation and ways to orgasm if you are wanting to experiment with understanding your body and how it can build up to orgasm more than once. Female bodies are able to experience many different kinds or types of orgasms depending on where and how the clitoral network or other erogenous zones are being stimulated.

(To learn more listen ‘The Key to Female Pleasure’)

Each orgasm may feel differently — this is normal.

Multi-orgasmic women describe making use of varied pleasure zones as well as forms of stimulation. So, while some people may be more prone than others to experience multiple orgasms, another factor that might come into play is one’s openness to what sex can look like. For example: oral stimulation; manual (self or partnered) stimulation; sensual touch and nipple play; penetration; pleasure techniques with penetration; stimulation to your G-spot, vibrators and changing of positions - all these variations are options for stimulating all the parts of the clitoris and other pleasure sensitive areas. Again, realistically it may take time for you to learn to recognize your response to various stimulation and what you enjoy and find pleasure in. Yes, that’s my encouragement for practice!

Be attentive to your most important sex organ!

Your brain is your most important sex organ. Mentally focus on pleasure and sensation rather than a goal of becoming multi-orgasmic. This is a healthy mindset that can help you in the allowing of climax. Intentionally engage your sensuality - what sparks or arouses sexual feelings or desire. Tune into your senses, this activates your sexual excitement system which you want to keep fired up to maintain arousal.

If having multiple orgasms is something you are curious about, and you are having partnered sex, talk about your desire together. You may also want to investigate these four techniques that women use to increase their pleasure with penetration. Communication is essential as you mutually explore.

* A note about males and multi-orgasm. While they may have the capacity to be multi-orgasmic, many don’t investigate this. For most men, climax usually involves ejaculation, (multi-orgasmic men often learn to experience orgasm without ejaculation). After ejaculation, the lowering of arousal phase (called refractory phase) is fast for men — much quicker than for women. Many men are unable to immediately become physically aroused again. From the research, we find that while males have the capacity to experience more than one orgasm in a sexual session, few have the desire to gain the needed self-control training required to experience it.
Curious? Listen to this episode: Can Men Be Mulit-orgasmic?