Exploring Your Perspective Of Pleasure
How do you feel about pleasure? Use these questions to find out.
How do you feel about pleasure?
Exploring Your Perspective of Pleasure
Did you grow up with education around how your body experiences pleasure? The combination of cultural messaging, lack of education and silence all factor into shaping our perception of sexual desire, as well as our ability to allow ourselves physical pleasure.
There is no shame in desiring, enjoying and experiencing pleasure with sex.
More than likely, you don’t often see a woman depicted in a movie who enjoys and pursues sex for the pleasure of it. Even more unusual is a woman portrayed who desires sex because she wants to be pleased, instead of being desperate to please.
The exercise of understanding the messaging you have taken in around pleasure is important for your overall sexual health and ability to pursue pleasure. Investigate what your internal voice says and what you have come to believe about pleasure. Take some time with the statements below and ask yourself questions such as:
“Do I believe this?” or “Do I tell myself this?”
Sex is a performance for someone else.
My partner’s pleasure and satisfaction are what matters most.
Sex is not for my pleasure
My sexual pleasure is wrong, not allowed or doesn’t matter.
I am a vehicle for pleasure; I can’t receive it.
My pleasure is a bonus, not a focus of intimacy.
My partner is responsible for my pleasure.
After working through these questions, decide for yourself what holds true and what doesn’t. You have permission to throw out ideas you no longer believe and grab onto new ones.
You can give yourself - permission for pleasure!
Learn more on this topic:
Are you having sex worth wanting?
Permission for Pleasure Podcast
My letter to young women
10 ways to be sexual without masturbating
New Year Intentions For Better Sex
Intentions for better sex in the new year.
Get to know your body and anatomy
Gain more understanding of your sexuality
Give yourself permission to try something new
Get curious about eroticism and sensual play
Gain more education about sex through the podcast
Give yourself permission to talk about sex
Grow your sexual conversation with a partner by using these prompts
Gift yourself a vibrator or toy
Grab a good lubricant for sex
Get curious about temperature play
Give your arousal a nudge with these three tips
Get up for morning sex
Gift yourself a sexual wellness retreat with my book Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden
Get out of your bedroom boredom with an Ayra intimacy subscription box (use my discount code CS15)
Glow up your arousal with Foria’s CBD Intimacy Oil
My Child Is Starting Sex Ed - Send HELP!
Here are 10 tips to help parents talk to their child about sex education.
Ideally, sexual health conversations have already been happening in your home since your child was a toddler. If not, it is not too late. Take a deep breath, you have what it takes to talk to your child about sexual health topics. I am here to cheer you on.
First, let me say that most school-based sex education is woefully inadequate and certainly not comprehensive. It isn’t even medically accurate in most states, nor required to be by law. Pleasure is rarely, if ever, a part of the discussion and certainly must be. I could go on and on. Therefore, you as a parent play a critical role in your child’s education about sexual health.
The good news is – you don’t have to know all the answers! You don’t have to teach kids everything at once. In fact, it is best to have one conversation at a time. One question at a time. And one short topical discussion at a time. You can do this!
10 TIPS FOR PARENTS
Let your child know that they will be having sex ed classes at school and when it will happen. Do not let it be a surprise to them. Giving them a heads up is good preparation and may help to open the doors to potential conversations with them ahead of the class, and in the future.
Reinforce to your child that you want to talk about what they hear and learn. Show interest, just as you would over their other classes in school. Follow up and then follow up again.
Be honest, tell them that it might be uncomfortable for them, their friends, and even parents - to talk about bodies and sex. Feeling uncomfortable is normal! And it is important and healthy to talk about bodies and sex. You might even apologize if you’ve never brought up the topics before. Reiterate your desire to do so moving forward.
Parents can be given access to the curriculum ahead of time. Ask for it if this is important to you. Use it to jump start conversations at home ahead of the classes. The more context your child has, the better they will be able to understand and sift through what they learn.
Ask questions about what they hear in the class. A good time to do this is while driving or walking the dog around the block – preferably not while sitting at the table face to face with each other (at least at first).
To follow up, ask questions initially as well as after some time has passed. For example, initiate a conversation such as, “I was thinking more about the sex ed class you had a school and wondered if they talked about _____,” or “Remember the sex ed class at school, did they bring up pleasure and sex at all? It is an important part of sex and I want to talk to you about that.”
Remind your child that you are available. Remind them often. Encourage your child to ask you their questions. Assure them that if you don’t know the answer, you will find out and get back to them. And then get back to them!
Encourage your child to not use Google as their way of finding out sexual health information and education. Clearly explain that googling will often bring up results that are inappropriate for them at this age. This may lead nicely into a conversation about pornography and media literacy. Communicate that you are available to help them get the information that they want.
Open a discussion about pornography if you haven’t done so already. Talk about what it is, what it isn’t, what to do if they come upon it or are introduced to it by someone else. Ask them in a non-judgmental manner what they have seen or if they have seen images. Reinforce what is healthy and unhealthy within the boundaries of your family values.
Ask if they would like a book or books to read on their own or together to get more information. Please do not just leave them a book to read with no discussion. Another idea is to investigate educational websites to direct them to or to learn from together.
CHEERING YOU ON!
FOR MORE ON THIS TOPIC, CHECK OUT THESE LINKS:
Book a parent workshop with some friends.
Book Review: 'Sex Without Pain' by Heather Jeffcoat, DPT
This book is a “how to” resource that is a simple to follow, step-by-step guide designed to put you on the path to healing and pain-free intercourse.
Heather Jeffcoat, DPT is the founder of Fusion Wellness & Femina Physical Therapy, and the author of Sex Without Pain: A Self Treatment Guide to the Sex Life You Deserve. This book is primarily a “how to” resource. The author describes it as:
“a simple to follow, step-by-step guide designed to put you on the path to healing and pain-free intercourse.”
Designed specifically for people who are unable to access pelvic floor physical therapy, it provides a treatment guide through self-assessment, dilator techniques, and stretches for the pelvic floor. Heather is not only an expert in her field, but a caring and affirmative educator about all things sexual and pelvic health.
You can hear more from Heather about her book and pelvic health, specifically causes and treatment options for painful sex in Episode 8 of the Permission for Pleasure Podcast.
Receive 20% off a PDF download of Heather’s book at SexWithoutPainBook.com using code PLEASURE20
Listen: 'Survival Guide for Talking to Your Kids About Sex'
Listen in on this conversation loaded with tips and strategies for parents on talking to your kids about sex. I was delighted to be a guest on the Confessions of a Super Mom Wannabe podcast with Kristen Wheeler.
I recently had the pleasure of being a guest on the 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐒𝐮𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐨𝐦 𝗪𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚𝐛𝐞 Podcast, where I share lots of 𝐭𝐢𝐩𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞𝐬 for parents with Kristen Wheeler.
"Cindy gives us a survival guide for how to talk to our kids about this subject that can feel scary, overwhelming, and awkward...
She helps us be prepared for the 𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 that will come,
how to 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 not to shy away from them, and
the HUGE favor we can do for our daughters by 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐱 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞."
Find it at the links below:
Listen: 'The value of sex education' on The Good is in the Details podcast
Listen in on this conversation chock-full of solid sex education with Gwendolyn Dolske and Konstantin Hatcher on the Good is in the Details Podcast.
I had a conversation chock-full of solid sex education with Gwendolyn Dolske and Konstantin Hatcher on the Good is in the Details Podcast. We talked about how we can better understand female pleasure, the lack of ownership women feel over their bodies, and the importance of a woman’s sexual relationship with herself. There is also good discussion about desire styles, painful sex and how to talk with a partner about sex. Lots of tips for parents on this episode as well - talking with your child about sex, how to use role play and why it’s important for a child to know the names for their genitals. A rich discussion worth your time.
Give it a listen at the links below