Three Sex Positions With Props

Lifted Missionary or Pillow Tilt

Prop needed: pillow/pillows - multiple soft, one firm, or a sex pillow specifically designed as a wedge 
How this works: The woman is laying on the bottom and the penetrating partner is on top. Place pillows under the woman’s buttocks in a way that lifts her hips. Experiment with height and angles that allow for the most pleasure.
Variation: The partner on top is in a standing position at the side of the bed. The woman can place her legs on either side of her partner, on partner’s shoulders or wrapped around her partner’s waist.
Why you might like this:
It can allow for deeper penetration, possible access to a g-spot, and more contact with the head of the clitoris via angling. It also provides a great visual and direct eye contact. 
Added bonus - if you pair direct clitoral stimulation with hands or a toy.

 
Chair Sex (variation on cowgirl)

Prop needed: chair - you may have to try a few to land on the right one for the rider’s height, leg, and hip flexibility (all chairs aren’t built alike)
How this works: The partner sits in a chair and the woman straddles her partner in a sitting position facing them.
Variation: Reverse the woman’s position so that she is sitting on her partner’s lap and facing out (reverse cowgirl). Again through angling, rocking, shallowing or pairing clitoral stimulation by the woman herself.
Why you might like this: It allows the woman to control her movements, angles, and timing to hit all the right pleasure spots. It provides lots of skin-to-skin contact, and direct eye contact. 
Added bonus - if you experiment with the pleasure techniques of rocking, shallowing and grinding.

Sex with height or heels

Prop needed: added height with heels or stairs
How it works: The woman wears heels for various standing positions. For entry from the front try a three legged dog position (she has one leg wrapped around partners waist). For entry from behind, try a standing spoon position or doggy style with a wall/couch/table for support. 
Variation: If you have access to stairs, you can use the different stair heights to position yourselves. For example: the woman kneels on one stair, her feet on a stair below that and her arms or hands on the stair above her. The partner kneels behind - on a lower stair. The woman will need to adjust her height to meet her partner’s pelvis comfortably. The partner below will need to hold hips for support.
Why you might like this:
Height discrepancies in standing positions can make things tricky or even uncomfortable. A little extra height may give your bodies the alignment they need.
Added bonus - pair direct clitoral stimulation with hands or a toy.  

Rather listen? Hear it on the podcast

4 Techniques Women Use To Increase Pleasure With Penetration

While there are a percentage of women who sometimes orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, most of the women I have talked to over three decades as a nurse say that they cannot or rarely do.

You are normal if you do or don’t!

I want to share 4 techniques women use to increase their pleasure with penetration. To clarify, when I say penetration, this can mean a penis, toy, or fingers. These techniques outlined below provide stimulation to the clitoris which is the main pleasure organ for women.

OMGyes, a research company and website devoted to women’s sexual pleasure, in partnership with Indiana University School of Medicine, conducted a nationally representative study of over 3000 women ages 18-93, and I am sharing their results. These techniques were reported and named through their study and published in the scientific journal, PLOS ONE

Having language for what works or to describe what you want can be helpful.

It is helpful for yourself, in understanding your body and how you experience pleasure. Additionally, it can be very helpful in communicating with a partner - to describe what you want and desire. You may read one or more of these techniques and think to yourself, “Ohhhh, I do that!” Or, you might read and think, “Hmmmm…. I want to try that one and see how it feels!” Get curious and explore. Your pleasure matters!

4 ways women report experiencing more pleasure from vaginal penetration

Shallowing: 

84% of women report using this technique

This is touch that stays just inside the entrance of the vagina - not all the way into the vagina. It is often slower, shallow thrusts and more gentle motions. Some women report enjoying a “curling motion” over and over. Good arousal and warm up time is key along with adequate lubrication. The perineum or tissue between the vagina and rectum is sensitive and will want lubrication to decrease friction but not sensation!

Watch my demo on Instagram

Pairing:

70% of women report using this technique

This is basically including stimulation to the clitoris along with penetration at the same time. This can be done by either by the woman, by her partner or with a toy. Remember, the clitoris is the key to women’s pleasure. So, if you enjoy stimulation to the glans clitoris on the outside of the vulva -reach down to stimulate that area. You can do this yourself or ask a partner do it. Have a conversation about it and you might ask a partner if you can guide their hand to show them where/how you enjoy the touch. Also consider choosing positions that allow for this kind of reach to the glans clitoris.

Watch my demo on Vimeo

Rocking:

76% of women report using this technique

With rocking, penetration stays inside. There isn’t thrusting motion. This allows the glans clitoris to be in constant contact without interrupted stimulation. Some people may call this grinding or other terms. If you are doing this with a partner, one way to “remind” them to keep still might be to wrap your legs around them. This prevents them from moving and allows more grinding and rocking motions by you rather than them (whether you are on the top or on the bottom).

Watch my demo on Instagram

Angling:

88% of women report using this technique

You may be doing this naturally, as it involves rotating, raising, or lowering the hips to adjust where the penis, fingers or toy comes in contact with the clitoral hood or glans clitoris. The distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening varies from woman to woman so there is not a set landmark to gauge from. You might consider using a pillow under your buttocks and experimenting with height and firmness. Another option to try is rounding your back to tuck your pelvis up or putting one leg up. Get creative and try tilting different ways and in different angles for different sensations.

These four techniques identified by OMGYES can really help you to talk about things you want to try or positions you want to use with a partner. Communication is key.

Prefer to listen? Hear Pleasure Techniques on the Permission for Pleasure Podcast

Learn more about these topics
All about the clitoris
The clitoris has a hood
Orgasm questions
Why female arousal takes more than 5 minutes
Talking with a partner about sex
Why vibrators work for women
Guide to lube

5 ideas for keeping it sexy using condoms

Putting on a condom is ruining the mood; how can I keep it sexy?

This question was submitted in my recent Ask Me Anything Q & A. If you are feeling the same way, here are five ideas to try.

1. Change your mindset. Literally, say “sexy” rather than “ugh” to yourself and each other. Don’t turn yourself off with a negative voice in your head or out loud to each other.

Your brain is your most important sex organ - Use it!

Let me also add that if you desire to prevent pregnancy and/or you are taking measures to have safe sex with a barrier method such as condoms - that is sexy!

2. Try different textured condoms.

Condoms come in several textures such as ribbed, dot design, and studded. Check out a different brand or type and see what sensations feel good for both of you. If either partner has sensitivities, you’ll want to take this into consideration before trying these options.

3. Use your mouth along with your fingers.

Combining oral pleasure as you roll it on adds some different stimulation. Look into each other’s eyes for even more heat and connection.

4. Use 1-2 drops of lube inside the condom.

Lube not only makes using condoms more comfortable, for some it can increase pleasure. Try using a small amount of lube and see what a difference it can make. Reminder: oil-based products are not compatible with latex condoms - use water based or silicone.

5. Roll it on in a 69 position to combine with oral for the partner on top.

This idea is both sexy and pleasurable for both partners. Taking your time here will definitely keep you in the mood while rolling one on!

Orgasm, Passion, Menopause: Articles Worth Reading For Better Sex

Here is a round up of some recent articles about sex, intimacy and relationships that are worth reading. There is a little something for everyone, including those in menopause or others seeking more passion!

*If you enjoy curated sex education like this, I want to invite you sign up for my monthly newsletter HERE (All of these articles were featured for my email community over the last several months).

For women

How To Fully Let Go During Sex 

Sex therapist Vanessa Marin wrote this for Bustle. This article covers “7 tips for keeping your mind on the prize and learning how to orgasm with your partner.” Specifically, it talks about orgasm as a mental experience - not just a physical one. The 7 tips are for better ways to occupy your brain during sex and help to get around mental blockages.

A Therapist Explains 3 Psychological Blocks That Kill Women's Sexual Desire

Written by Alicia Munoz LPC, for Mind Body Green. This article gives a lot of food for thought. So, if these three blocks spark your interest, give it a read. #1 Others define my desirability. #2 It's my partner's job to arouse me. #3 I need to be feminine.

No Matter How Long You Take To Reach Orgasm, There Are Ways To Speed Things Up

Gabrielle Kassel wrote this article for WellandGood. Some excellent advice in this read from several experts on the topic of orgasm. Then they spell out 8 steps for how to orgasm faster without stressing about the clock.

For Couples

10 Best Intimate Sex Positions To Boost Your Love Connection

Written for Women’s Health Magazine, this article by Aryelle Siclait is a great one if your sex life needs a healthy dose of intimacy or if you just want a new position to try. With simple illustrations and the reasons why each position boosts intimacy, there’s an option for every couple.

The Three Keys To Passion

Cheryl Fraser, Ph.D wrote this for The Gottman Institute. A sex therapist explains the Passion Triangle. This is three keys needed to create a foundation for a lifelong romantic and sexual passion. What are the three sides to the triangle? Intimacy. Thrill. Sensuality. Don't be put off by the length, there are some nuggets here worth your time.

ONE For my over age 50 crowd

Can You Have Good Sex After Menopause?

The answer is yes! A great article by Joan Price for her Senior Sex Blog at Hot Octopuss. She addresses how menopause affects sex, talking to your doctor about menopause and sex, and adds in some practical sex tips as well.

Pain and Sex

Painful sex is never normal.

Due to the lack of education about sex, and years of hearing half-truths, many women think pain with sex is typical or normal. They believe that pain might just be part of what every woman experiences with sex.

False.

If you are experiencing painful penetration, the three reasons I address here are potential causes that have solutions that you can take control over right now.

However, if these more common causes don’t seem to be the issue, then I encourage you to seek help from your medical provider. Preferably, start with an OB/GYN doctor or a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist. A qualified healthcare provider can assess more involved issues causing dyspareunia. Dyspareunia is the medical term for genital pain that occurs just before, during or after intercourse. Though certainly not an exhaustive list, a few examples of conditions that might cause pain would be: hormonal changes that decrease lubrication and elasticity of the vagina; ovarian cysts; fibroids; endometriosis; skin irritation or inflammation; infection; or vaginismus.

There are solutions, and I strongly encourage you to seek the help.

Tips on talking about sexual health with your healthcare provider HERE.

Three Common Causes

1. Not enough “arousal” time before penetration

Women’s bodies require sufficient time for arousal in order to get to a place of desiring anything entering their vagina. Allowing time for increased arousal will give your vagina and vulva the time they need to lubricate. This also increases blood flow which allows your vagina to soften and lengthen. All of these arousal responses help ensure that you don’t feel pain during sex.

Take your time!

2. Not enough lubrication before penetration

Lubrication is absolutely necessary for penetrative sex not to result in pain. Some women’s bodies produce a lot of natural lubricant, and some don’t. Both are normal! It is important to understand how your own body functions and if you naturally lubricate enough for pleasure or if you need added lubrication. Many women need or desire more lube than they produce -- sometimes all the time, and sometimes at varying seasons in their lives. Some possible causes of decreased lubrication might be: hormonal changes, medications, menopause, postpartum or breastfeeding, and aging.

There are many lube options available, read about them HERE.

3. Positioning

If certain sex positions are painful for you then by all means, STOP using that position or figure out ways to modify that position so it doesn’t hurt. Often a certain position may be uncomfortable because penetration is too hard or too deep. An easy adjustment for this is to try positions where you are in charge of how deep and how hard. Women sometimes find that positions where they are on top allows them this kind of control. There are also options to customize penetration depth with devices such as Ohnut rings.

Gently try different positions and evaluate what works or doesn’t work for you.

What usually happens if someone has pain with sex?

They stop desiring it and ultimately stop having it altogether. Communication with your partner is crucial in working through pain with sex. Be honest with them. Talk about what is going on with your body and what you want to do about it. Take a step toward breaking the silence.

You do NOT have to give up on sex!

Learn more on the Permission for Pleasure Podcast
Pelvic Health and Painful Sex

* links are not sponsored content, but if you want to try Ohnut mentioned above, they offer my community 15% with code CINDY

Let's Talk Quickies

Let’s talk “Quickies!”

Intimacy with your partner can look a million different ways and a quick sexual connection is certainly one of them. 

A quickie is the term given to sex that is just that – quick. 

There are a lot of seasons in life when you only have 5 minutes to get it on and 5 minutes is better than nothing. A brief sexual encounter can infuse your relationship with a spurt of sexual energy. This energy helps keep the two of you connected to each other until you have time and space for a longer intimacy date.

Let’s be real. Quickies don’t have to be the best sex you ever had together. 

In fact, they probably won’t be. It’s best if expectations are reasonable and the focus is on bringing your bodies together. This means keeping the focus on pleasurable connection, a little fun and a lot of affectionate playfulness!

Limited time equals minimal foreplay or warming up activities. This likely means that not everyone may orgasm. (especially women). Agree ahead of time that this is okay for both partners.

Orgasm isn’t necessarily the goal here.

Absolutely awesome if it happens, but absolutely okay if it doesn’t. 

As is often said, timing is everything. There are times when your arousal may be speedier, such as after exercising or earlier in the day. Engaging in a quickie at these times may help increase pleasure and fun.

Sometimes, you and your partner may have different ideas about what a quickie looks like or feels like. This is normal. If you have never talked about it, take some time to communicate with each other about what feels pleasurable and what doesn’t. You might want to use this post to jump start the conversation. Together, come up with two or three scenarios that feel comfortable, feasible and fun! Ideally, this is an open-ended conversation that you will circle back to often and at different seasons in your relationship. 

Think outside your typical sex framework.

Especially if intercourse is your usual sexual go-to, consider new ways to pleasure each other. Perhaps try something new? Like meeting up in the shower, keeping most of your clothes on, or just using your hands. Use your imagination!

Rather listen to this topic?
Permission for Pleasure Podcast: Episode 23

Are There Different Kinds Of Orgasms?

Are there really different types of female orgasms?

People constantly ask about the validity of differentiating between orgasms such as: clitoral, G-spot, A-spot, blended, uterine and on the list goes.

Honestly, even the scientists cannot agree on the answer to this question, so let's just say there isn't one "right" answer. There is not one orgasm that is “better” than another. It is good to remember that orgasm is a sudden release in sexual tension, and it can be brought about in a myriad of ways. Also important to recognize that the context in which you have an orgasm influences your perception of the sensation. 

Here are some things we DO know to be true about female orgasm:

Women are fabulously unique and diverse and report varied experiences with orgasm. They are all normal.

Women can experience orgasm differently depending on where they are being stimulated and experiencing arousal.

The clitoral network is larger and more involved than most people understand and likely plays a role in many or most genital orgasms through direct or indirect stimulation.

The vast majority of women do not orgasm with intercourse or penetration alone. Using specific pleasure techniques can increase the chances of orgasm with penetration.

Women can enjoy different kinds of sensations at different times of the day, month, year, and season of life. 

Women experience pleasure very individually and also experience variety within their own experiences with orgasm.

Women may ejaculate with an orgasm and may experience squirting unrelated or related to orgasm.

Orgasm may feel small or huge; like a whisper or a hurricane: intense or gentle, more like a lapping wave on the shore or a tidal wave out of the sea. There is a large scale to draw from and anywhere it feels on the scale is healthy and normal.

A woman’s vulva or vagina is not the only route to orgasm. 

Women report highly pleasurable orgasms from breast stimulation, having their toes sucked, while fantasizing or pleasuring their partner orally, for example.

Women have reported orgasms in which they did not feel pleasure, for example during a period of depression, during sleep or exercise.

My overall encouragement for women is to focus on the pleasure they experience rather than try to categorize their orgasms. Learn to express, experience and enjoy!

More on this topic:
The clitoris - it’s a network!
Is there a G-spot?
20 Orgasms
Orgasm -answering your questions
Do women ejaculate? What is squirting?
The key to female pleasure
Let’s talk orgasms
Exploring your perspective of pleasure

The G-Spot

Is there a G-spot?

The reality is - it isn’t really a “spot.” It is not all alone on its own, but a connected part of the clitoral pleasure network.

The G-spot area appears to be where the urethra, vagina and an internal portion of the clitoris come together. Likely, it is made up of spongy erectile tissue. This area only becomes distinguishable when a woman is aroused and the area is engorged with blood. 

There is no magic “button”

Researchers continue to be mystified in attempting to find an actual spot. So, with that in mind try to set the goal of finding it aside and just relax and have fun experimenting. Figure out what brings you pleasure in your own body.

In a recent study on the topic by OMGYES, about 2/3 of women report that it attaches to the vaginal ceiling (the upper wall of the vagina). That would be roughly about 12 o’clock when a woman is lying on her back. It is about 2-3 inches into the vagina. What was interesting however, is that about 1/3 of women report that their G-spot is “on the left, right or bottom wall or the location ‘moves’ from day to day.”

Every woman experiences pleasure differently and all are NORMAL.

The degree of sexual sensation in this area varies widely from woman to woman and can also vary within the same woman. Factors such as arousal level, time of the month and season of life may come into play regarding the variance. So, for some women, this may be a real focal area of pleasure, for others, not so much.

If you are trying to find a G-spot area, most often it responds to massaging pressure that is persistent. It can be manually with fingers, or with penetration of a penis or a toy. When using finger(s), you’ll want to firmly but gently use a “come-hither” curl motion. Try not to focus on finding a spot but rather stimulate the whole erogenous zone inside the vagina. As you become aroused, you might feel a slight increase in firmness to the tissues as they engorge with blood. You also may want to press a finger or two up against this region and hold it there. This area is not as sensitive as the clitoral glans, so it can usually tolerate firm, persistent pressure.

Positions that seem to provide the best stimulation to the G-spot area with penetration are woman-on-top positions and rear-entry positions. Remember you are attempting to provide persistent stimulation to the upper wall of the vagina (or wherever you have found your region to be located). Orgasms with G-spot area stimulation may or may not result in ejaculate of some clear fluid from the glands that exist in the spongy tissue. This is normal whether it happens or doesn’t happen.

When you hear the term blended orgasm, more often than not this is referring to a combination of g-spot and clitoral stimulation. In other words, two pleasure points being stimulated at one time. Some women find using pleasure techniques with penetration a helpful way to stimulate G-spot regions.

More on this topic:
The Clitoris - it’s a whole network!
Orgasms - answering your questions
Pleasure techniques with penetration
Can women be multi-orgasmic?
What is edging?
Let’s Talk Orgasms