Female Anatomy 101
Sex education for the majority of girls includes the internal female anatomy, but often leaves out the external. This blog is designed to give you a basic overview of female external anatomy. It can also be used to help give parents language to use as they educate their children about their bodies.
Sex education for the majority of girls includes the internal female anatomy, but often leaves out the external. So, while you may know terms such as uterus, ovaries and vagina. You may be less familiar with the vulva, labia and mons pubis. Beyond belief is the fact that the clitoris is often left out of sex education altogether. To be clear:
the clitoris is the central anatomy for female pleasure.
This blog is designed to give you a basic overview of female external anatomy. It can also be used to help give parents language to use as they educate their children.
VULVA
The vulva is the external female genitalia. I like to say - if you put your hand over your body from your pubic bone to below your vaginal opening -THIS is your vulva. It is A LOT more than your vagina, thus the reason we need to differentiate. (demo video)
The vulva and the vagina are not the same thing.
The vulva includes: the labia, clitoris, opening to the urethra, opening to the vagina, and mons pubis. No two vulvas are exactly the same.
Normal vulvas do not look like what you see in pornography or magazines. Those images are often airbrushed and altered. There is a lot of beautiful diversity in normal vulvas.
THE TWO OPENINGS IN THE VULVA
The opening to the vagina. The vagina is a muscular tube that extends from the vulva to the opening of the uterus called the cervix. Menstrual fluid/period blood flows from the vaginal opening. (demo video)
The opening to the urethra. The urethra is the tube that transports urine (pee) from the bladder to the outside of your body. It is located above the opening to the vagina and below the glans clitoris. Urine/pee flows from the urethral opening. (demo video)
MONS PUBIS
The mons pubis is the soft tissue mound that covers the pubic bone. During puberty, pubic hair grows in this area. The mons pubis contains oil-secreting glands that release pheromones, which play a role in sexual attraction. The mons pubis can be many shapes and sizes and can change as you age. Your body and your mons pubis is unique to you.
PUBIC HAIR
Pubic hair is not unhygienic or dirty and in fact serves a purpose. It provides a natural cushion against friction. It provides a barrier to help protect you from viruses and bacteria. It protects your skin against irritation and plays a role in regulating temperature. It is always your own personal decision what you do with your pubic hair.
CLITORIS
The clitoris is an entire network. The glans or head is the only external and visible part of a whole connected internal structure. The glans is located near the top of your vulva, where your inner labia meet. It can be about the size of a pea or as big as a thumb. Each person’s clitoris can be a different size. The clitoris is made up of spongy erectile tissue that swells with sexual arousal. There is a clitoral hood located where your labia minora (inner lips) meet. This hood may cover all, some or none of your glans clitoris. The clitoris has thousands of sensitive nerve endings. (demo video)
The primary function of the the clitoris: sensation and pleasure.
For more on the clitoris please see the blog: The Clitoris - it’s a Network!
LABIA
The vulva has two sets of labia. The outer lips are called labia majora. The inner lips are called labia minora. Female labia come in all shapes, sizes and coloring. The labia minora often extend beyond the labia majora. This is normal. The inner lips may be all one color, or may be several colors with possible darkening toward the ends. One lip may be longer or shorter than the other. Again, all normal.
PERINEUM
The perineum is located below the entrance to the vagina and above the anus. This small area has a network of blood vessels and tissue below the surface. For many, it is pleasure sensitive area after arousal and increased blood flow.
ANUS
The anus is located below the vaginal opening. It is the opening to your rectum. This is where feces (poop) exits your body. It has lots of sensitive nerve endings. The anus does not self lubricate. (demo video)
Do I Need To Douche?
Do I need to douche? No, the vagina is a self cleaning organ.
Forget all the damaging myths that your vagina is in need of some kind of cleaning
There is so much false and constant messaging that women’s genitalia is in need of upkeep at all times. Beware! This incorrect information comes from sources that are also trying to sell you something.
The vagina is a self-cleaning organ
It uses natural secretions to carry dead cells and unwanted bacteria out of your body.
This means that douching and using other products like deodorants, sprays, washes, or powders is not a healthy practice. These kinds of products can disturb the natural pH balance found in the vagina.
Let your vagina clean herself. She is perfectly capable to do so!
Here’s my live answer to this frequently asked question at a recent workshop:
Parents: You Can Be Your Child's Sexual Health Educator
Your home is the ideal place for your children to learn about their body, sexuality, relationships, consent and ALL things related to their sexual health. Parents you can be your child’s sex educator!
Parents: You can be your child’s primary sexual health educator!
Children desperately need adults that can talk to them openly about their bodies, sexuality, puberty and sex. So often, parents feel unsure, uncomfortable and unprepared to open these conversations, so they remain ... silent.
Silence is the enemy of sex education!
Research shows that children are primarily influenced by their parents. So, it is imperative that parents educate themselves ahead of time and be prepared to talk to their children about these important topics, as well as be the one their child seeks out with their questions and concerns...uncomfortable or not!
From babyhood, boys and girls need to understand the names for their sexual body parts. By that I do not mean, “your woo-woo, or wee-wee” -- I mean PENIS and VAGINA and VULVA. It is important for genitals to be named in the same matter-of-fact manner as other body parts, not associated with nicknames or snickering or attitudes that shame. For example: this is your leg, this is your nose, and this is your penis. This is your elbow, this is your vulva, and you pee out of your urethra. Young children also need to hear often that their body is unique to them. That no two bodies are alike! It is crucial that they understand from the get go that all bodies are different and differences are beautiful and normal. The comparisons begin at an early age and young children need a solid base of body self-acceptance before the puberty years ahead.
By starting early and often, these conversations become a natural part of daily life.
One of the most vital roles parents can play is to be their child’s primary source of information and education on matters surrounding sexuality and sex. It is imperative to communicate that you are open to ANY question asked. That nothing is off limits. Children need to be assured that if a parent does not know the answer, they will find out for them, and get back to them. AND THEN DO IT! Today’s child has easy access to the Internet and if you will not answer their questions, they will either Google for the answer, ask their peers (who knows what they know) or view pornography to gather information. So many kids today when asked, say that their primary source of sex education is from pornography. There are so many mixed messages for children in our culture today; it is crucial that parents help their child navigate the confusion. You can do this by playing an active role in providing accurate information and being available. You can do this by consistently affirming what is normal and natural.
As your child asks questions, learn to really listen for what is being asked. A good first response might be, “Wow! What a great question, what made you think of that?” to allow the child to give context to what they truly want to know.
The key here is giving the right information at the right time.
So, don’t be afraid to take that pause after a difficult question posed, and with your game face on, ask that additional context question before you answer. Another idea is to give a little bit of information and wait to see if that is all they really want to know or if you should add a bit more. If your child isn’t asking any questions, take the initiative and ask questions yourself. An easy way to jumpstart a conversation is to use things you encounter together. For example: a breastfeeding mother; a new baby, or a pregnant woman. With an elementary age child you might ask something like, “I know kids at school are probably talking about sex. Are you hearing things you have questions about?” or “When I was your age, I had questions about…. (pubic hair or breasts or where babies come from), have you ever thought about that?”
Ideally, it is best if these kinds conversations start at an early age and occur often as a normal part of your family conversations. However, it is never too late to start being available and opening the doors to talking about sexuality and sex. No matter the age of your child, take the initiative and break the silence!
4 questions for parents to discuss
My child is starting sex ed - send help!
Childhood sexual abuse prevention: 2 tools for parents
6 tips for using sexual health themed books with your child
Contact me to learn more about my Parent workshops!
Answering your questions: Orgasm
What is an orgasm, how do I make it happen and other frequently questions from women about the Big O!
Direct questions from my sex survey:
Q). Does every woman achieve orgasm from intercourse every time?
Fact: Every woman does not orgasm every sexual encounter and especially not with intercourse alone.
Q). Is there a way to make it more likely for a woman to achieve orgasm while having sexual intercourse?
Fact: About 20% of women reliably orgasm with intercourse alone.
Fact: About 80% of women do not reliably orgasm with intercourse alone.
Fact: The overwhelming majority of women need manual or oral stimulation to the clitoris to reach orgasm. Clitoral stimulation is what makes it more likely a woman will orgasm. There are four techniques women describe using to increase pleasure and orgasm with penetration.
Q). How come I do not orgasm every time?
Fact: There are numerous reasons women may not orgasm every time. It may be the context, feelings about your partner, time of the month, not the right stimulation, disruption in stimulation, distractions, mental load, stress, fatigue - just to name a few. As well, many women say orgasm every time is not necessary for them to enjoy a satisfying sexual experience with their partner.
focus on pleasure not orgasm
Our goal driven society and culture does not translate well into our sexual lives. If you need a “goal” then make it pleasure and see if that helps you to switch up your mindset and anxiety about orgasm happening or not happening. The more anxiety around “will I” and the more pressure you feel to “get there” actually work against the process.
Orgasm is something you allow to happen, as opposed to make happen.
Orgasm is a series of rhythmic muscle contractions that are centered in the pelvic muscles and clitoral network. It is a reflex. It is definitely more subjective for women than for men. The experience of orgasm is unique to each individual. Orgasm also differs from experience to experience in the same woman. It can range from a pleasant wave of sensation to a mind-blowing intense whole body experience--and everything in between! Women also describe different kinds of orgasms, as well as experiencing multiple orgasms in a single sexual experience.
All of these variations are normal.
Many factors play into the process of orgasm, the most crucial being the need for clitoral stimulation. In answer to the question above; “is there a way to make it more likely to orgasm with intercourse?” the answer is to incorporate stimulation to the clitoris during intercourse. To spell it out, you or your partner needs to use your hands, or a toy or positions that directly stimulate the clitoris. Pleasure techniques such as pairing, shallowing, rocking and angling can help. Another necessary piece to the puzzle is to be aroused good and well before penetration of any kind. This means that your whole clitoral network is ready and wanting so that if it continues to get enough stimulation you will allow for orgasm.
Another significant factor is sufficient time.
Time to increase arousal thus leading to orgasm (often referred to as foreplay). Women’s bodies require adequate time to allow the vagina and vulva to lubricate, increase in blood flow, and soften. All of this necessary warming up is part of the whole process that helps the body to allow for orgasm. The female arousal process takes more than 5 minutes! (More like 12-20min)
Lastly, use your brain and know yourself. Stay focused and tuned into experiencing all the pleasurable sensations. Going over your ‘to do’ list during sex is NOT staying focused. Sex and multi-tasking do not go well together! And most important of all, is to learn and know your own body and what feels good and brings you pleasure - and then to communicate that to your partner. Take a step toward opening the conversation. Your pleasure matters.
