Three Sex Positions With Props
3 sex positions to try using props
Lifted Missionary or Pillow Tilt
Prop needed: pillow/pillows - multiple soft, one firm, or a sex pillow specifically designed as a wedge
How this works: The woman is laying on the bottom and the penetrating partner is on top. Place pillows under the woman’s buttocks in a way that lifts her hips. Experiment with height and angles that allow for the most pleasure.
Variation: The partner on top is in a standing position at the side of the bed. The woman can place her legs on either side of her partner, on partner’s shoulders or wrapped around her partner’s waist.
Why you might like this:
It can allow for deeper penetration, possible access to a g-spot, and more contact with the head of the clitoris via angling. It also provides a great visual and direct eye contact.
Added bonus - if you pair direct clitoral stimulation with hands or a toy.
Chair Sex (variation on cowgirl)
Prop needed: chair - you may have to try a few to land on the right one for the rider’s height, leg, and hip flexibility (all chairs aren’t built alike)
How this works: The partner sits in a chair and the woman straddles her partner in a sitting position facing them.
Variation: Reverse the woman’s position so that she is sitting on her partner’s lap and facing out (reverse cowgirl). Again through angling, rocking, shallowing or pairing clitoral stimulation by the woman herself.
Why you might like this: It allows the woman to control her movements, angles, and timing to hit all the right pleasure spots. It provides lots of skin-to-skin contact, and direct eye contact.
Added bonus - if you experiment with the pleasure techniques of rocking, shallowing and grinding.
Sex with height or heels
Prop needed: added height with heels or stairs
How it works: The woman wears heels for various standing positions. For entry from the front try a three legged dog position (she has one leg wrapped around partners waist). For entry from behind, try a standing spoon position or doggy style with a wall/couch/table for support.
Variation: If you have access to stairs, you can use the different stair heights to position yourselves. For example: the woman kneels on one stair, her feet on a stair below that and her arms or hands on the stair above her. The partner kneels behind - on a lower stair. The woman will need to adjust her height to meet her partner’s pelvis comfortably. The partner below will need to hold hips for support.
Why you might like this:
Height discrepancies in standing positions can make things tricky or even uncomfortable. A little extra height may give your bodies the alignment they need.
Added bonus - pair direct clitoral stimulation with hands or a toy.
Rather listen? Hear it on the podcast
Book Review: Women's Anatomy of Arousal by Sheri Winston CNM, RN, BSN, LMT
If you have a desire to explore taking your pleasure to the next level, this book is for you.
If you have a desire to explore taking your pleasure to the next level, this book is for you. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal won the American Academy of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) Book of the Year in 2010. It’s been around a while and remains a steadfast favorite of many.
Winston’s writing is easy to understand, and she comes across like a more experienced, sensual, big sister. Packed with education on women’s anatomy and physiology, this practical guide includes sections for '‘Play and Practice,” allowing you to get practical with the material.
If you are open to erotic exploration outside the so-called box, you will find this book both enriching and entertaining. Through drawings, art, quotes, and poetry, Winston educates on energy, breathing, a little magic, and a lot of “higher-level, whole-system perspective.”
I thoroughly enjoyed this book and Winston’s “in-depth, illustrated tour of the land of female genitalia, feminine sexuality and the intimate erotic arts.”
***** Highly recommend
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
4 Techniques Women Use To Increase Pleasure With Penetration
Learn 4 techniques women use to increase pleasure with penetration.
While there are a percentage of women who sometimes orgasm from vaginal penetration alone, most of the women I have talked to over three decades as a nurse say that they cannot or rarely do.
You are normal if you do or don’t!
I want to share 4 techniques women use to increase their pleasure with penetration. To clarify, when I say penetration, this can mean a penis, toy, or fingers. These techniques outlined below provide stimulation to the clitoris which is the main pleasure organ for women.
OMGyes, a research company and website devoted to women’s sexual pleasure, in partnership with Indiana University School of Medicine, conducted a nationally representative study of over 3000 women ages 18-93, and I am sharing their results. These techniques were reported and named through their study and published in the scientific journal, PLOS ONE
Having language for what works or to describe what you want can be helpful.
It is helpful for yourself, in understanding your body and how you experience pleasure. Additionally, it can be very helpful in communicating with a partner - to describe what you want and desire. You may read one or more of these techniques and think to yourself, “Ohhhh, I do that!” Or, you might read and think, “Hmmmm…. I want to try that one and see how it feels!” Get curious and explore. Your pleasure matters!
4 ways women report experiencing more pleasure from vaginal penetration
Shallowing:
84% of women report using this technique
This is touch that stays just inside the entrance of the vagina - not all the way into the vagina. It is often slower, shallow thrusts and more gentle motions. Some women report enjoying a “curling motion” over and over. Good arousal and warm up time is key along with adequate lubrication. The perineum or tissue between the vagina and rectum is sensitive and will want lubrication to decrease friction but not sensation!
Watch my demo on Instagram
Pairing:
70% of women report using this technique
This is basically including stimulation to the clitoris along with penetration at the same time. This can be done by either by the woman, by her partner or with a toy. Remember, the clitoris is the key to women’s pleasure. So, if you enjoy stimulation to the glans clitoris on the outside of the vulva -reach down to stimulate that area. You can do this yourself or ask a partner do it. Have a conversation about it and you might ask a partner if you can guide their hand to show them where/how you enjoy the touch. Also consider choosing positions that allow for this kind of reach to the glans clitoris.
Watch my demo on Vimeo
Rocking:
76% of women report using this technique
With rocking, penetration stays inside. There isn’t thrusting motion. This allows the glans clitoris to be in constant contact without interrupted stimulation. Some people may call this grinding or other terms. If you are doing this with a partner, one way to “remind” them to keep still might be to wrap your legs around them. This prevents them from moving and allows more grinding and rocking motions by you rather than them (whether you are on the top or on the bottom).
Watch my demo on Instagram
Angling:
88% of women report using this technique
You may be doing this naturally, as it involves rotating, raising, or lowering the hips to adjust where the penis, fingers or toy comes in contact with the clitoral hood or glans clitoris. The distance between the clitoris and vaginal opening varies from woman to woman so there is not a set landmark to gauge from. You might consider using a pillow under your buttocks and experimenting with height and firmness. Another option to try is rounding your back to tuck your pelvis up or putting one leg up. Get creative and try tilting different ways and in different angles for different sensations.
These four techniques identified by OMGYES can really help you to talk about things you want to try or positions you want to use with a partner. Communication is key.
Prefer to listen? Hear Pleasure Techniques on the Permission for Pleasure Podcast
Learn more about these topics
All about the clitoris
The clitoris has a hood
Orgasm questions
Why female arousal takes more than 5 minutes
Talking with a partner about sex
Why vibrators work for women
Guide to lube
Listen: 'The value of sex education' on The Good is in the Details podcast
Listen in on this conversation chock-full of solid sex education with Gwendolyn Dolske and Konstantin Hatcher on the Good is in the Details Podcast.
I had a conversation chock-full of solid sex education with Gwendolyn Dolske and Konstantin Hatcher on the Good is in the Details Podcast. We talked about how we can better understand female pleasure, the lack of ownership women feel over their bodies, and the importance of a woman’s sexual relationship with herself. There is also good discussion about desire styles, painful sex and how to talk with a partner about sex. Lots of tips for parents on this episode as well - talking with your child about sex, how to use role play and why it’s important for a child to know the names for their genitals. A rich discussion worth your time.
Give it a listen at the links below
Book Review: 'Becoming Cliterate' by Laurie Mintz, Ph.D.
The author, Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a psychology professor and human sexuality expert, gets to the heart of ‘Why Orgasm Equality Matters —And How to Get it.’
Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a psychology professor and human sexuality expert, gets to the heart of ‘Why Orgasm Equality Matters - And How To Get It’ in her book Becoming Cliterate. This is a worthwhile read for any woman, but I especially like it for women in their 20-30’s.
Becoming Cliterate won the 2019 Consumer Book of the Year Award from the Society of Sex Therapy and Research for “enhancing understanding of human sexuality and solving sexual problems.” The word I hear most often from women to describe how they feel after reading this book is “empowered!”
Mintz draws on her many years of teaching college aged women with her sassy, articulate, and funny writing style. This makes the book easy to read as well as entertaining. It is written almost like a guide and includes exercises, an abundance of tips and strategies as well as a section written specifically for men, (because honestly, don’t we want everyone to be cliterate!)
This book will increase your knowledge of the clitoris, masturbation, orgasm, female pleasure and communication with a partner in a non-clinical language you can easily receive. Myths will be debunked and truths will be told with the science to back it up. Included at the end is an appendix “Cool Tidbits For Your Lady Bits” that highlights resources - love that!
You can hear Laurie talk about these topics and her book in Episode 2 of the Permission for Pleasure Podcast! HERE
***** Highly recommend
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.
Female Anatomy 101
Sex education for the majority of girls includes the internal female anatomy, but often leaves out the external. This blog is designed to give you a basic overview of female external anatomy. It can also be used to help give parents language to use as they educate their children about their bodies.
Sex education for the majority of girls includes the internal female anatomy, but often leaves out the external. So, while you may know terms such as uterus, ovaries and vagina. You may be less familiar with the vulva, labia and mons pubis. Beyond belief is the fact that the clitoris is often left out of sex education altogether. To be clear:
the clitoris is the central anatomy for female pleasure.
This blog is designed to give you a basic overview of female external anatomy. It can also be used to help give parents language to use as they educate their children.
VULVA
The vulva is the external female genitalia. I like to say - if you put your hand over your body from your pubic bone to below your vaginal opening -THIS is your vulva. It is A LOT more than your vagina, thus the reason we need to differentiate. (demo video)
The vulva and the vagina are not the same thing.
The vulva includes: the labia, clitoris, opening to the urethra, opening to the vagina, and mons pubis. No two vulvas are exactly the same.
Normal vulvas do not look like what you see in pornography or magazines. Those images are often airbrushed and altered. There is a lot of beautiful diversity in normal vulvas.
THE TWO OPENINGS IN THE VULVA
The opening to the vagina. The vagina is a muscular tube that extends from the vulva to the opening of the uterus called the cervix. Menstrual fluid/period blood flows from the vaginal opening. (demo video)
The opening to the urethra. The urethra is the tube that transports urine (pee) from the bladder to the outside of your body. It is located above the opening to the vagina and below the glans clitoris. Urine/pee flows from the urethral opening. (demo video)
MONS PUBIS
The mons pubis is the soft tissue mound that covers the pubic bone. During puberty, pubic hair grows in this area. The mons pubis contains oil-secreting glands that release pheromones, which play a role in sexual attraction. The mons pubis can be many shapes and sizes and can change as you age. Your body and your mons pubis is unique to you.
PUBIC HAIR
Pubic hair is not unhygienic or dirty and in fact serves a purpose. It provides a natural cushion against friction. It provides a barrier to help protect you from viruses and bacteria. It protects your skin against irritation and plays a role in regulating temperature. It is always your own personal decision what you do with your pubic hair.
CLITORIS
The clitoris is an entire network. The glans or head is the only external and visible part of a whole connected internal structure. The glans is located near the top of your vulva, where your inner labia meet. It can be about the size of a pea or as big as a thumb. Each person’s clitoris can be a different size. The clitoris is made up of spongy erectile tissue that swells with sexual arousal. There is a clitoral hood located where your labia minora (inner lips) meet. This hood may cover all, some or none of your glans clitoris. The clitoris has thousands of sensitive nerve endings. (demo video)
The primary function of the the clitoris: sensation and pleasure.
For more on the clitoris please see the blog: The Clitoris - it’s a Network!
LABIA
The vulva has two sets of labia. The outer lips are called labia majora. The inner lips are called labia minora. Female labia come in all shapes, sizes and coloring. The labia minora often extend beyond the labia majora. This is normal. The inner lips may be all one color, or may be several colors with possible darkening toward the ends. One lip may be longer or shorter than the other. Again, all normal.
PERINEUM
The perineum is located below the entrance to the vagina and above the anus. This small area has a network of blood vessels and tissue below the surface. For many, it is pleasure sensitive area after arousal and increased blood flow.
ANUS
The anus is located below the vaginal opening. It is the opening to your rectum. This is where feces (poop) exits your body. It has lots of sensitive nerve endings. The anus does not self lubricate. (demo video)
Faking Orgasms Is Sexual Miscommunication
Faking orgasm is sexual miscommunication. Read some tips and conversations starters to quit faking because your pleasure matters!
When we fake orgasm, it results in our partner downloading information to their brain about what we find pleasurable that does not work for us. It also directs our focus to performing instead of enjoying.
Your pleasure matters
Most women have faked orgasm at one point or the other. Why? There are a lot of reasons, but it often comes down to pressure or expectation. This is something worth exploring — to understand where this expectation and/or pressure comes from.
Questions to consider:
Is it coming from you or your partner, or both?
Is it around your own concern that your partner feels successful or not feel badly?
Is it because you’re tired and want sex to be done?
Is it because the sex you’re having isn’t pleasurable and you want to hurry it along?
Is it you or your partner’s expectation that you orgasm every time?
Is there an expectation or pressure to orgasm with intercourse alone?
honest communication with a partner
Here are a few ideas to help you start a conversation with a newer partner:
"Could we _______?" If you know what you want, get specific and ask for it.
"Touch me right here." To be even more specific, take your partner's hand and guide it where you want to be touched.
"I’m really enjoying myself, but I’m not going to orgasm." This communicates your pleasure as well as taking the pressure off orgasm.
If you are with a long time partner, obviously this is more complicated.
Telling someone that you have been faking can feel really scary and overwhelming. Certainly, this is a conversation that requires care if you choose to have it. The way you approach your partner must take into account that you have not been honest and why. The truth may be shocking to them. Likely, if you have been good at faking it - they have been good at believing it. They will have emotion about this - it is okay for them to have emotion about this.
Take some time to really consider the reasons why you have been faking and how you can communicate some of this to your partner. Here are a few ideas to help you start a conversation with a long time partner:
“I am understanding more about myself sexually and really would like to have an honest conversation about it with you.”
“I have learned some new things about how I orgasm, could I share that with you?”
“I am changing in how I view our sex life. I have found that I don’t need to orgasm every time for it to be pleasurable.”
Using ‘I’ statements like these, help a partner to receive the information with less defensive feelings. Talking to a partner about sex works best outside of the bedroom, and when you have given your partner a heads up that you want to have a discussion.
If having this conversation feels too difficult alone
Consider having a therapist or counselor help you navigate this conversation. Sex therapists are well trained for these kinds of conversations and could help you through it. Or perhaps you have a counselor you have worked with that can assist you.
You might want to start with opening this healthy conversation with yourself first - to come to a better understanding about your own relationship with sex, orgasm and pleasure.
One step at a time my friends, because your pleasure matters.
For more on this topic:
Let’s Talk Orgasms
Talking with a partner about sex
Exploring your perspective of pleasure
Want better sex? Ask yourself these questions
Pleasure Techniques
Why Does Female Arousal Take More Than 5 Minutes?
Arousal is the physiological changes in your body that occur when you are sexually excited.
Arousal is the physiological changes in your body that occur when you are sexually excited.
For women, this process often takes more than 5 minutes (like you see in the movies). Why?
The clitoral network has a whole lot of erectile tissue. (anatomy demo)
All this tissue needs time for the blood flow to increase to it.
The blood flow increases as arousal increases.
Your brain engages and often this is when desire is determined. (Do I want sex?)
As the blood flow increases to the tissues they dilate and become swollen.
The vaginal canal might expand.
Lubrication happens.
Adequate arousal can increase pleasure.
The average time needed for adequate female arousal leading to orgasm is 14-20+ minutes
Want to learn more on this topic?
3 Tips to Speed Up Your Arousal
Reclaiming Your Arousal Mindset
Community Questions about Arousal
Misconceptions Men Believe About Sex
Listen: 'Her Body, Her Pleasure' On The Smart Sex Podcast
Listen in on my conversation with certified sex therapist Leslie Gustafson on the Smart Sex podcast.
I was delighted to be invited for a conversation with Leslie Gustafson on the Smart Sex Podcast!
This episode ‘Her Body, Her Pleasure’ includes all things solid sex education! We talk about female anatomy, cliteracy, permission for pleasure, and dispelling the myths that inhibit women from embracing and enjoying their sexuality.
Listen via the links below.
Let’s keep opening these kinds of healthy conversations about sex!
Are There Different Kinds Of Orgasms?
Are there really different types of female orgasms? Let's just say there isn't one "right" answer.
Are there really different types of female orgasms?
People constantly ask about the validity of differentiating between orgasms such as: clitoral, G-spot, A-spot, blended, uterine and on the list goes.
Honestly, even the scientists cannot agree on the answer to this question, so let's just say there isn't one "right" answer. There is not one orgasm that is “better” than another. It is good to remember that orgasm is a sudden release in sexual tension, and it can be brought about in a myriad of ways. Also important to recognize that the context in which you have an orgasm influences your perception of the sensation.
Here are some things we DO know to be true about female orgasm:
Women are fabulously unique and diverse and report varied experiences with orgasm. They are all normal.
Women can experience orgasm differently depending on where they are being stimulated and experiencing arousal.
The clitoral network is larger and more involved than most people understand and likely plays a role in many or most genital orgasms through direct or indirect stimulation.
The vast majority of women do not orgasm with intercourse or penetration alone. Using specific pleasure techniques can increase the chances of orgasm with penetration.
Women can enjoy different kinds of sensations at different times of the day, month, year, and season of life.
Women experience pleasure very individually and also experience variety within their own experiences with orgasm.
Women may ejaculate with an orgasm and may experience squirting unrelated or related to orgasm.
Orgasm may feel small or huge; like a whisper or a hurricane: intense or gentle, more like a lapping wave on the shore or a tidal wave out of the sea. There is a large scale to draw from and anywhere it feels on the scale is healthy and normal.
A woman’s vulva or vagina is not the only route to orgasm.
Women report highly pleasurable orgasms from breast stimulation, having their toes sucked, while fantasizing or pleasuring their partner orally, for example.
Women have reported orgasms in which they did not feel pleasure, for example during a period of depression, during sleep or exercise.
My overall encouragement for women is to focus on the pleasure they experience rather than try to categorize their orgasms. Learn to express, experience and enjoy!
More on this topic:
The clitoris - it’s a network!
Is there a G-spot?
20 Orgasms
Orgasm -answering your questions
Do women ejaculate? What is squirting?
The key to female pleasure
Let’s talk orgasms
Exploring your perspective of pleasure
The G-Spot
The truth about the infamous G-spot, is it isn’t really a “spot.” There is no magic love button. This area is a connected part of the whole clitoris network.
Is there a G-spot?
The reality is - it isn’t really a “spot.” It is not all alone on its own, but a connected part of the clitoral pleasure network.
The G-spot area appears to be where the urethra, vagina and an internal portion of the clitoris come together. Likely, it is made up of spongy erectile tissue. This area only becomes distinguishable when a woman is aroused and the area is engorged with blood.
There is no magic “button”
Researchers continue to be mystified in attempting to find an actual spot. So, with that in mind try to set the goal of finding it aside and just relax and have fun experimenting. Figure out what brings you pleasure in your own body.
In a recent study on the topic by OMGYES, about 2/3 of women report that it attaches to the vaginal ceiling (the upper wall of the vagina). That would be roughly about 12 o’clock when a woman is lying on her back. It is about 2-3 inches into the vagina. What was interesting however, is that about 1/3 of women report that their G-spot is “on the left, right or bottom wall or the location ‘moves’ from day to day.”
Every woman experiences pleasure differently and all are NORMAL.
The degree of sexual sensation in this area varies widely from woman to woman and can also vary within the same woman. Factors such as arousal level, time of the month and season of life may come into play regarding the variance. So, for some women, this may be a real focal area of pleasure, for others, not so much.
If you are trying to find a G-spot area, most often it responds to massaging pressure that is persistent. It can be manually with fingers, or with penetration of a penis or a toy. When using finger(s), you’ll want to firmly but gently use a “come-hither” curl motion. Try not to focus on finding a spot but rather stimulate the whole erogenous zone inside the vagina. As you become aroused, you might feel a slight increase in firmness to the tissues as they engorge with blood. You also may want to press a finger or two up against this region and hold it there. This area is not as sensitive as the clitoral glans, so it can usually tolerate firm, persistent pressure.
Positions that seem to provide the best stimulation to the G-spot area with penetration are woman-on-top positions and rear-entry positions. Remember you are attempting to provide persistent stimulation to the upper wall of the vagina (or wherever you have found your region to be located). Orgasms with G-spot area stimulation may or may not result in ejaculate of some clear fluid from the glands that exist in the spongy tissue. This is normal whether it happens or doesn’t happen.
When you hear the term blended orgasm, more often than not this is referring to a combination of g-spot and clitoral stimulation. In other words, two pleasure points being stimulated at one time. Some women find using pleasure techniques with penetration a helpful way to stimulate G-spot regions.
More on this topic:
The Clitoris - it’s a whole network!
Orgasms - answering your questions
Pleasure techniques with penetration
Can women be multi-orgasmic?
What is edging?
Let’s Talk Orgasms
Can Women Be Multiorgasmic? How Can I Experience Multiple Orgasms?
Are multiple orgasms possible? Yes they are and here are some tips for exploring and enjoying more pleasure.
Question: “I’ve read a lot about women having multiple orgasms at a time. Is that a real thing? How can I achieve multiple orgasms at one time?”
Yes! women can be multi-orgasmic
Multi-orgasmic means capable of having more than one orgasm in a single sexual session. While women have the capacity to be multi-orgasmic, not every woman experiences them nor desires them. The available research suggests approximately 15% of women report experiencing multiple orgasms and there is also a broad range of how women describe their experiences. Multi-orgasmic women would attest that allowing yourself to experience multiple orgasms requires not only a good understanding of your own body and how you function sexually, but a good amount of practice as well.
Whether you experience one orgasm at a time or more in one setting — you are normal!
Orgasm is something you allow to happen.
Often women need an adjustment in their mindset from achieve to allow. This may help with recognizing and experiencing pleasure and that alone is a win. If the orgasms keep coming, well …. even more reason to celebrate. (More on orgasm here.)
Women have a large area of erectile tissue included in the whole clitoral network. All of that network is available to be activated with stimulation if there is adequate arousal. After experiencing an orgasm, the resolution phase (lowering of arousal) is a slower process for women. So, if arousal is maintained post initial climax, women can have the ability to build up to orgasm again and again in the same sexual session. Certainly, people may take a rest or pause, however they don’t allow enough time to significantly lower their level of arousal.
Keep in mind that it helps to be open to various forms of stimulation and ways to orgasm if you are wanting to experiment with understanding your body and how it can build up to orgasm more than once. Female bodies are able to experience many different kinds or types of orgasms depending on where and how the clitoral network or other erogenous zones are being stimulated.
(To learn more listen ‘The Key to Female Pleasure’)
Each orgasm may feel differently — this is normal.
Multi-orgasmic women describe making use of varied pleasure zones as well as forms of stimulation. So, while some people may be more prone than others to experience multiple orgasms, another factor that might come into play is one’s openness to what sex can look like. For example: oral stimulation; manual (self or partnered) stimulation; sensual touch and nipple play; penetration; pleasure techniques with penetration; stimulation to your G-spot, vibrators and changing of positions - all these variations are options for stimulating all the parts of the clitoris and other pleasure sensitive areas. Again, realistically it may take time for you to learn to recognize your response to various stimulation and what you enjoy and find pleasure in. Yes, that’s my encouragement for practice!
Be attentive to your most important sex organ!
Your brain is your most important sex organ. Mentally focus on pleasure and sensation rather than a goal of becoming multi-orgasmic. This is a healthy mindset that can help you in the allowing of climax. Intentionally engage your sensuality - what sparks or arouses sexual feelings or desire. Tune into your senses, this activates your sexual excitement system which you want to keep fired up to maintain arousal.
If having multiple orgasms is something you are curious about, and you are having partnered sex, talk about your desire together. You may also want to investigate these four techniques that women use to increase their pleasure with penetration. Communication is essential as you mutually explore.
* A note about males and multi-orgasm. While they may have the capacity to be multi-orgasmic, many don’t investigate this. For most men, climax usually involves ejaculation, (multi-orgasmic men often learn to experience orgasm without ejaculation). After ejaculation, the lowering of arousal phase (called refractory phase) is fast for men — much quicker than for women. Many men are unable to immediately become physically aroused again. From the research, we find that while males have the capacity to experience more than one orgasm in a sexual session, few have the desire to gain the needed self-control training required to experience it.
Curious? Listen to this episode: Can Men Be Mulit-orgasmic?
The Clitoris - It's a Network!
Fun fact: The word clitoris is thought to come from the Greek word, kleis, a key. It’s the key to unlocking the door to pleasure.
*Fun fact: The word clitoris is thought to come from the Greek word, kleis, a key.
It’s the key to unlocking pleasure
When asked to identify this 3-D picture model of the clitoris network, (pictured above), most people give answers like “I have no idea” or “a tulip emoji,” or even “a wishbone.”
This model provides some much needed insight into the shape and 10-centimeter size of the pleasure center for women.
Yes! It’s an entire NETWORK
Here are some facts about the clitoris to help you understand the entire network. As you read along, keep looking back to the 3-D model for reference; this will help you get a better understanding of where all the parts are as well as where they connect.
The clitoris is actually composed of many parts, ALL of which can play a role in pleasure.
The clitoris is a network of erectile tissue. It has as much internal erectile tissue as a penis does externally. Because it isn’t visible from the outside, many don’t know it is there! All of this erectile tissue can respond when aroused.
Due to the design of the whole clitoris it takes time to warm up and become aroused. Studies are clear that most women require 12-20 minutes or more of arousal (warming up activities) to reach orgasm.
The clitoris has thousands and thousands of nerve endings.
The primary Function of the clitoris is PLEASURE
The visible part of the clitoris on the vulva is called the glans or head. Sometimes it is referred to as the “love button,” because for many women it’s the most sensitive part of the clitoris. The glans is protected by the hood. The glans is attached to the clitoral shaft that runs just beneath the surface of the skin.
The shaft is composed of erectile tissue and is extremely receptive to sensation. It forks and divides like a “wishbone” with branches. These legs of the clitoris extend deep within the tissue of the vulva, and split to straddle the urethra and the vagina. To be clear: The clitoris extends INTERNALLY all the way to the base of the vaginal opening, meaning you have sensation points from the tip-top to the very bottom (pun intended).
The internal part of the clitoris is connected to the glans and shaft by two “spongy-like” bulbs of erectile tissue. These bulbs engorge with blood and increase in size when sexually aroused. The more aroused, the more increase of pleasure points internally with penetration or external pressure.
important keys to unlock ALL the pleasure
Every women is different. Every woman may desire different stimulation, and every woman is normal!
In other words, some women really love direct stimulation to the glans or head, while some women find that painful or too sensitive. Some women enjoy stimulation to the hood but not to the glans directly. And some enjoy penetration or massage/pressure to access all the internal nerve endings within the network.
This is all normal (Do you hear my theme here?)
There isn’t a right or wrong way -- or better or best. It is all about what each individual woman enjoys and what brings them pleasure.
I do think many women -- and most men -- simply do not understand how vast the network is. So often all the focus is on the glans or “love button.” If the glans brings you ALL the pleasure you desire, wonderful! However, what many women find as they explore stimulating other sensitive parts of the network is that there may be multiple ways to feel pleasure and different ways to orgasm.
I frequently get asked questions about the G-spot, so let’s use that as one example.
The G-spot is part of the clitoral network
It is not some spot on its own, it is a connected part of the network. This area is a clitoris cluster that attaches to the vaginal ceiling, Made up of spongy erectile tissue, it doesn’t have nearly the number of nerve endings as the clitoral head. Most often this area responds to massaging pressure that is persistent, (think: come hither motion) after a period of arousal has taken place. For some, this is a real focal point of pleasure; for others, not so much.
Again, different experiences and all normal
My encouragement to you is to get to know yourself and your body more and more. Help yourself and your partner figure out what brings you pleasure. Have fun in the process. Don’t be afraid to explore and experiment and laugh and moan along the way. This knowledge about the clitoris network may open up a whole new arousal world for you. Then again, it may not. Either way, you are normal.
Make pleasure the goal
Reels with demo’s on IG
Parts of the clitoris
Network under the surface
To learn more about these topics
Female arousal
Female anatomy
G-spot
The clitoris has a hood
Pleasure techniques with penetration
Cliteracy
Make some noise
Book Review: Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D
Come As You Are is one of the best books I have read on women and sex.
Come As You Are is one the best books written on women and sex.
Dr. Emily Nagoski had me hooked in the introduction. “For a long time in Western science and medicine, women’s sexuality was viewed as Men’s Sexuality Lite -- basically the same but not quite as good,” she writes. “For instance, it was just sort of assumed that since men have orgasms during penis-in-vagina sex (intercourse), women should have orgasms with intercourse too, and if they don’t, it’s because they’re broken. In reality, about 30 percent of women orgasm reliably with intercourse. The other 70 percent sometimes, rarely, or never orgasm with intercourse, and they’re all healthy and normal.”
I mean COME ON!
I am all-in for this read! I know from over 33 years of working with women, that many do not know this fundamental statistic and understanding this can be a pleasure gamechanger!
Dr. Nagoski, Ph.D, draws on her vast experience as both an educator and researcher to break down the newest science on women and sex. She spells things out in a way you can both understand and put to use immediately. I really appreciate her writing style, which is informative but also delightfully sassy and caring -- the combination makes her easy to read.
“You Are Normal”
This is Nagoski’s mantra. And it is the one message so many women need to hear. Also reinforced is the vital role your brain plays as your biggest sex organ, and why. Included within each section are interactive activities, exercises, worksheets, and example stories of both gay and straight women.
Through the research presented, a few things you will learn include: the “partnerships of accelerator and brakes” within sexual response (with ideas about “Turning On the Ons, Turning Off the Off’s”); facts about responsive desire and sexual arousal; and how context (your environment and mental state) influence response. Any one of these concepts might be life-changing for a woman’s understanding of sex and their own body.
Dr. Nagoski’s goal is one I heartily share: “Improve your relationship with your own sexuality.”
Note: This blog includes affiliate links from Amazon. As an Amazon Associate, I may earn money from actions readers take on these links, such as a click or purchase. However, this is a book that I recommend fully and have purchased myself.