Using your senses for pleasure

Our brain has a sexual excitement system that uses our senses to scan around for sexually relevant stimuli. This system is always working under our conscious level. I want to encourage the idea of consciously activating this system, by using the senses with intentionality. When we use our mind and engage our senses, we send signals to our brain to “tune in” and those signals can then help press the “on” button to stimulate arousal.

Here are some very simple ideas to spark your thinking and get you started. Get curious and try one thing that brings a new element into your lovemaking. The idea is to activate your senses with intention. Keep in mind my friends that sex doesn’t have to be serious and precious all the time. It can be playful, fun and make you laugh together as well. Keep the focus on pleasure!


  • Turn the lights on

  • Use candlelight

  • Use a blindfold

  • Keep your clothes on

  • Keep one piece of clothing/shoes on

  • Dance for your partner, have your partner dance for you


  • Candle & Aromatherapy: here are a few researched options to consider: Sandalwood, Jasmine, Peppermint, Lavender, Ylang ylang, Pumpkin (for men), Almond (for women), Vanilla, Licorice, Cinnamon, Basil, Citrus

  • Scented lube or scented body massage oil

  • Scented bathing products  


  • Feed each other

  • Create and enjoy a fruit feast on your body or your partner’s body,

  • Share a mint back and forth as you kiss, or chocolate or another treat

  • Edible lube

  • Edible massage oil


  • Create a sexy playlist: choose songs with rhythms that feel erotic to you or with words that resonate for you and your partner, make the list together if possible

  • Play ocean waves or raindrops on a sound machine (or whatever sound feels romantic)

  • Choose a “sex song” or two or three - when you hear the song let your mind engage with sexual thoughts of your partner. Send the song to your lover when you are thinking of them.

  • Tell your partner out loud what you like, communicate your pleasure


  • Acknowledge your fantasies in your own mind

  • Share fantasies with one another

  • Act out fantasies with each other

  • Remind each other of times/places that were especially pleasurable and imagine that scene in your mind


  • All over the body not just the genitals

  • Massage each other with massage oils

  • Feathers for light touching

  • Scarves for drawing along your body or touching through the silky fabric

  • Ice cubes: create sensation by running them along your partner’s skin, or place one on their back/belly button and follow the drips