“My partner wants to try ______ (fill in the blank) and I am not comfortable with that.” “Do I have to do it?” “How do I handle this?”
I get this question so often from women regarding any number of sexual activities.
My answer is NO...AND.
NO -- you don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with and your partner should respect your choices. You always have the right to say "NO thanks!" It is vitally important that both partners be in agreement regarding whatever they do sexually together. This is a non-negotiable.
That being said, ask yourself why you feel the way you do about _______. Are you afraid? Does it gross you out? Have you heard or read things that have influenced you feeling the way you do? Get curious with yourself and then if it feels safe, communicate what you find back to your partner. This opens a discussion that can be really enlightening for both of you.
AND -- If you are in a trusting, committed relationship and your partner is asking to try something different sexually, get curious instead of completely shutting them down.
Ask questions to understand what might be the broader desire behind the request. Is it that they are bored? Want to experiment? Are feeling adventurous? Saw or heard something that sparked their curiosity? Have always had a fantasy but never verbalized it?
I think it's a good idea to investigate further and figure out where the request is coming from. Sometimes an alternative compromise might be a possibility instead, one that you BOTH feel comfortable with.
Stay curious. Ask questions. Open the conversation.
Are there really different types of female orgasms? I get this question a lot. Women ask about the validity of differentiating between orgasms such as: clitoral, G-spot, A-spot, blended, uterine and on the list goes. Honestly, even the scientists cannot agree on the answer to this question, so let's just say there isn't one "right" answer. There is not one orgasm that is “better” than another.
My partner wants to try ______ (fill in the blank) and I am not comfortable with that. Do I have to do it? How do I handle this? My answer is NO...AND.
Music is proven to have a very powerful effect on our behavior. Music is also known to increase our focus. Using our sense of hearing for pleasure, by connecting with music sensually can be a potent aphrodisiac.
Feeling desire spontaneously or in advance is not required to express your sexuality in a way you enjoy or to have “good sex.” The truth about desire is that there is more than one style or pattern. It is normal for partners to have mismatched desire styles. It doesn’t mean something is “broken” in one partner.
Good communication is one of the keys to a nourishing relationship. Talking about the topic of sex is one area where many people seriously struggle to have open conversation. The fact is that it is absolutely normal to have to discuss and negotiate the many facets of sex - whether that’s frequency, preferences or changes.
When we use our mind and engage our senses, we send signals to our brain to “tune in” and those signals can then help press the “on” button to stimulate arousal.
Adding a personal lubricant into your sex life is not just for when you need a little “extra,” but can enhance your sexual activity and make it feel “extra!”
The reality is - it isn’t really a “spot.” It is not all alone on its own, but a connected part of the clitoral pleasure network.
Children desperately need adults that can talk to them openly about their bodies, sexuality, puberty and sex.